Testing...ahem...is this thing on?

No, I haven't been writing much lately. In fact, this is probably the longest I've gone without posting something since I wrote NOTHING in the month of April and June. I'm not really sure why...probably because of the change to a private blog. With my audience being significantly smaller, I'm not sure which direction to go. But I do know that the switch was what I needed - to be a private blog and know exactly who's reading.

So I can't promise that I'll post as often as I used to...well...back in 2009 or 2010 anyway. This year hasn't been much on the blogging front, that's for sure!

I'll catch ya on facebook...the place where I seem to write tiny segments of my day via status update.

Being a Cardinals Fan

We are pretty big Cardinals fans around here!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Dream Journal

I daily have vivid dreams. When they are the kind that I can't stop thinking about, I usually write about them...


We were at my grandparents' farm, in their beautiful, brick home that sat on a hill, overlooking a goregous field. All of us had gathered in the basement, and at first, I didn't understand what was going on. There were at least 50 people, and in the beginning, I didn't know who any of them were. A man, who emerged as the leader in the situation, told us we would have to wear gray gloves to protect ourselves, and I didn't understand what significance the gloves would have.

All of us looked around at each other. By that point, we all knew "they" were coming.

Suddenly, I heard something above me, and there was an opening in the ceiling. A ladder came down, and I saw my grandma and my great aunt...the first two people that I recognized so far. People were around them, trying to help them down to the basement. I felt a sense of panic, thinking that there was no way two elderly people could defend themselves for what was coming.

For whatever reason, a group of us went outside. It seemed completely irrational considering it put us at risk, and they had arrived.

That's right. The zombies.

One of them walked towards me, and I tried to push him away, thinking that the gloves would somehow help me. But I didn't feel strong enough, and as I kept pushing, he kept coming at me. I remember thinking he didn't look like I thought he would: he seemed normal except he was going after me...and after anyone who was out there with me.

Somehow I got away, and my next thought was to climb up on the roof of the house. I started to look around for a way to get up there, and in the distance I saw Josh, the only other person I recognized. At that point, I could not get his attention. He could not hear me, so I decided I had no time...I just had to get to the roof.

As it goes in dream land, I do not know how I got up to the roof, but I did. When I got up there, I saw two other people. They seemed confident that they were safe, so that made me feel safe. I just rested on the roof, waiting for it all to end. I saw people below me being hurt by the zombies, and while I felt safe, I felt horrible for those below me. A person came up beside me and put his arm around me. He had a distinct face, I cannot get it out of my mind (it's not someone I know in real life, which makes it even more perplexing), and he told me it would be ok...I shouldn't worry. For whatever reason, that made me not worry.

Then I woke up.

Sometimes it's temporary...

It was the end of December, and I remember standing in an aisle at Dollar General, looking for a Cover Girl compact, when my phone rang. The number indicated that it was a call from the hospital I had just interviewed at a day or two prior, so I answered with a little bit of nervousness, a little bit of eagerness, and a little bit of fear. The woman from HR explained that she was offering me the position, told me the pay rate, and told me what day to arrive for orientation. She asked if I would accept the position.

I said I'd have to call her back.

Though I knew this was a step that felt like it had to happen at the time, it still was hard. Though I knew that every thing else had lined up - like Caleb being enrolled in school and having found a sitter for Sarah and Gabriel - it still was hard.

But less than an hour later, I called her back and accepted the position.















From January through the end of September, I worked outside of the home. I saw sometimes hundreds of patients a day, sometimes people I knew. I met sweet co-workers and had a great supervisor.

But sometimes, things are just temporary.

Sometimes we find solutions or make choices that fit for the time being.

At some point late in the summer, I remember telling Josh that it felt like it was time for me to go back to my normal. I think he was apprehensive. Even though I wasn't making much, and a huge chunk of it went to daycare for two of our kids, I knew he felt like we had more wiggle room in our budget with me working. And we did. Yet...I just knew it was time. Going back to work was what had to happen when I did it. It served its purpose in our lives.

Sometimes we make choices. Sometimes it's a temporary solution for a greater good. And when we wake up one day and realize it's time to move to another choice, it's best to do that, too.

In the Back Yard

The kids in 2009.

















The kids in 2011.













Makes me teary.

A Lesson

On Sunday afternoon, my mom drove me to the ER. I was having severe back pain, so much so that I couldn't sit, couldn't stand, couldn't lay down...I could just get down on my hands and knees and cry. It was hard to breathe, and I could barely tell her how I was feeling. The pain eased up just enough for me to make the trip to the hospital. After several tests, I was diagnosed with pancreatitis, and a ultrasound the next day revealed that I had gall stones. I was there for two days as an inpatient.

Not a pleasant experience...except for the sweet nurses and excellent care I received at PCRMC.

By Monday afternoon, I was feeling a bit better. I was in the room without a roommate the first night, but by the next day, a female patient was in bed 1. Since I wasn't as bad as the day before, I was more cohearent and could tell how horrible she was feeling...and I felt bad for her. She came in for ulcers, but eventually her migraines started to really get to her. She would cry, throw up, and cry more. She wasn't loud or anything, but I could just hear that she was hurting.

Josh was with me one of the times when her husband came to be with her. Right from the start I became irritated with my roommate's husband, and I know I shouldn't be that way, but I couldn't help it. She would cry or hyperventilate, and he would say, "You just have to calm down, Debbie. I can't do anything for you, and they can't do anything for you if you don't calm down." He just kept telling her to calm down. SHE WAS IN PAIN FOR GOODNESS SAKE. I looked over at Josh and said, "Honey...if I'm not feeling good...don't tell me to calm down, ok?"

As if to play along, he didn't say anything...just nodded. :)

She occasionally would snap at him, probably because he wasn't being very sensitive, and then he would say, "Don't bite my head off...it's not my fault you're in here."

Jerk.

So after both Josh and I got to hear all of this, I knew that it would be a lesson for both of us.

I was discharged on Tuesday at 11:30, and I was ok for a bit. Then my nausea began to set back in, a symptom I got to control while in the hospital because they could quickly put Zofran in my IV! I keep a hospital throw-up container with me (I don't know the technical term for those!) and just vegged on the couch...feeling miserable.

When I rushed off to the bathroom to puke, Josh calmly followed me. "What can I get for you, Chrissy?" he said sweetly. "Just...a...cold...wash...cloth," I tried to say between heaving (sorry for the details). He rinsed cold water on a wash cloth for me, and put it in my hand. He put his hand on my back and gently started to rub. He did not say anything, just stayed by my side...even though I was crying at this point more than puking. When I knew I was ok, I had to pee. I turned around and sat on the toilet, and just rested my head on his hip...still crying. He kept rubbing my back, not saying anything. He didn't tell me to calm down. He didn't say I'd be fine or any of the cliche things he could have said. He knows I don't like that, and after the lesson in the hospital, I think he heard what it sounds like when someone says that to someone who is sick.

I am sometimes a baby when I'm sick. I'm glad I have someone to take care of me...who knows what not to say.

Under Construction

As you may have noticed, there have been a few changes around my blog. I've been wanting to make these changes for a while, so now they are finally here! I'm still wanting to change a few more things, but overall, this is what my blog will look like now.

Change is good sometimes.

The News

The news we shared with the kids today:

Poster

Yesterday I traveled with my mom to Springfield. She had to replace a part in a projector for school, and we did a little shopping here and there as well. One of the places we stopped at was this super huge teacher supply store called IPA. Oh. My. Goodness. Mom said it was like crack for teachers! It was so fun, I wish I had a bulletin board just for the cute boarders and posters they had.

I even thought of you, Bethany, when I saw tons of wooden toys.

As I glanced through a few things, I stumbled upon something that made me laugh.



















I first laughed because it was on clearance. I generally don't talk politics on here, but I'm not one who would consider herself a democrat, so it was easy for me to poke fun at this poster...thinking, "Of course it's on clearance, who would want it?!" :)

Then I started thinking, "How exactly is this school appropriate?" I mean really, no matter which party it would have represented, can you imagine walking into your son or daughter's classroom and seeing this proudly displayed on a bulletin board?

I don't get it.

Anti-Bullying Starts With Me

It seems that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear about anti-bullying. Usually it's on the news, something about new rules in a school district, new legislation, or a new case that has to do with someone being bullied to the extreme. We say we won't tolerate it. Teachers do what they can, parents have new programs on their computers to track what their kids are doing. We know their passwords and we check their phones. We want to make sure our kids aren't being bullied. We ask them about their day, we want to know if someone is hurting them verbally or otherwise.

But this doesn't address a key factor. Maybe I missed it somewhere, but in all the stories I've heard about parents checking on their kids, it's always about making sure they are the ones not being bullied. What if my child IS the bully?

Gasp.

Now, to be honest, as I'm sure most parents would say, I would be dumbfounded if I was told Caleb did something unkind to another student (or my other two kids, too, but let's stick with him since he's the only one in elementary right now). I'm not talking about not sharing (which we still have to work on) or cutting in line. I'm talking about malicious behavior, calling someone names, tripping them on the playground, those kinds of things. But I do think we need to be mindful of what causes a child to do these things. What about programs or material that tells parents what to look for at home that might mean their child is developing bully mentality?

What can I do to PREVENT bullying, not just sit by and waiting for my child to be bullied? We all think it will be someone else's kid. The truth is, it's going to be someone's kid...whose will it be?

And when teachers notice a child with these tendencies, I realize we should not tolerate it, but what can we do to rehabilitate their mind-set at an early age? Is it possible for the school to even help in this manner if the parent is in denial? Like I said, I can't imagine my children behaving in a bully-like fashion, but if it happens, not matter how minor, I would want to immediately figure out what to do - not shake my head and say, "Boys will be boys," or "Girls and their drama." That's denial.

What do you think causes bullying-tendencies?