Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Hope Into the Dark

I have tried to sit down and write this post a few times.

The truth is...words are hard to come by for me.

I have not watched the news since about noon on Friday.

After word of the shootings in Conneticut, I felt overwhelming saddness.  When I heard that 27 were dead, including an entire kindergarten class, it was almost too much to take.

My Sarah is in kindergarten.

Then on Saturday morning at 7:00 am, my husband received a phone call that two high school seniors were killed in a car accident.  He took it hard.  He had just had Nikki in class Friday, he played Phase 10 with her and a few others.

He still has the score sheet...they were going to continue on Monday.

Lexi was a homecoming queen candidate...she stood behind Sarah in all the pictures.

Last night he told me that one of his co-workers lost her husband over the weekend to a heart attack.

Too. much. to. take.

And while I do not know any of these people personally, it has been a very, very sobering few days.

I can hardly bring myself to post anything on facebook.  Normally, I will post something cute my kid has said or something funny I saw on someone else's page, or some recipe I found on Pinterest.  Nothing seems right to post.  I saw a picture countdown to a movie my husband and I want to see, and I "shared" it on his wall yesterday.  I actually had second thoughts on whether to do it...

Nothing seems right.

I'm not sure how long I will feel this way.  It is a character flaw of sorts for me.  Even when people are affected who I do not know directly, I hurt with them and for them.

Prayers...lots of prayers...I've been praying more the last few days than I have in a while.

Even more prayers when two of my friends had children in the hospital yesterday. 

Perhaps the thing that has hit me the most with all of this is how many people are hurting this time of year.  A time of year I've always loved is a time of year many people can hardly bear.

That's one way I believe my heart is changing with all that has been going on...having a heart that is more compassionate for those who will maybe never again have a "Holly, Jolly Christmas".

Make me an instrument of Your peace
Where there is hatred let me...show...love
Where there is darkness let me shine light

May Your love cause us to open up
Cause us to open up our hearts
May Your light cause us shine so bright
That we bring hope into the dark


Shelley said...

I too haven't watched the news since Friday and not sure how to process such tragedy. I have a close friend who lived just a few miles from the town that happened in and she has young nieces and I waited all day to hear from her.

The two seniors hit hard with me and I didn't know them but I know many who did. Last night my oldest told me both girls were cadets in his classroom this year.

I think it will take a while to process it all and a while longer for me to figure out how to write about it. I know I couldn't wait to get home Friday night and hug my kids.

Laura said...

So heartfelt Chrissy

Kelsey said...

beautiful song!

Sarah said...

I felt the same way yesterday esp being at the school and being in hannah and trentens classrooms!! This is def going to be rough for some families...im glad i can hug my kids tight.

Bronwen said...

I feel the same way, almost annoyed w FB posts that don't have anything to do w it...as if, how can people just pick up and move on so easily? I'm so far removed from it all yet it rocks me to my core. I also cannot watch the news, I cry hard enough wout it. I'm so so sorry to hear about the students @ St.J...that is terrible, I'm so sorry. We are not always reminded so harshly of the precious breaths we take and how fragile our existence on this earth is...but for what ever reason, we were this time. Those sweet babies are preparing for the biggest birthday party of the year in heaven...the families...the first responders...the 'survivors'...they are left with pieces shattered into such tiny fragments...I'm not sure how you pick up and 'live' again after something so horrendously tragic. May the Lord be fierce in their hearts.

Amanda said...

beautiful post Chrissy. I don't even have children and this event has completely consumed me. i had to finally quit watching saturday morning because all i could do was cry. It's heartbreaking. It seems so many things happen this time a year and i think it's why i have such a hard time getting into it and as commericalized as it is anymore I feel like the meaning is just taken away each more every year. A dear friend of mine was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Her holidays have been destroyed. Those families in CT. The familes in St James. The deputy that was just killed in washington county. It's depressing. I just have to remember what Chirstmas truely means to me in my heart and celebrate that. embrace those that i love and tell them so as well. This month has been another eye opener for me and from all this tragedy I hope I grow as a human being because if not what is all this tragedy for? If we can't learn from it and perfect ourselves it just seems it's all for nothing.

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