I have tried to sit down and write this post a few times.
The truth is...words are hard to come by for me.
I have not watched the news since about noon on Friday.
After word of the shootings in Conneticut, I felt overwhelming saddness. When I heard that 27 were dead, including an entire kindergarten class, it was almost too much to take.
My Sarah is in kindergarten.
Then on Saturday morning at 7:00 am, my husband received a phone call that two high school seniors were killed in a car accident. He took it hard. He had just had Nikki in class Friday, he played Phase 10 with her and a few others.
He still has the score sheet...they were going to continue on Monday.
Lexi was a homecoming queen candidate...she stood behind Sarah in all the pictures.
Last night he told me that one of his co-workers lost her husband over the weekend to a heart attack.
Too. much. to. take.
And while I do not know any of these people personally, it has been a very, very sobering few days.
I can hardly bring myself to post anything on facebook. Normally, I will post something cute my kid has said or something funny I saw on someone else's page, or some recipe I found on Pinterest. Nothing seems right to post. I saw a picture countdown to a movie my husband and I want to see, and I "shared" it on his wall yesterday. I actually had second thoughts on whether to do it...
Nothing seems right.
I'm not sure how long I will feel this way. It is a character flaw of sorts for me. Even when people are affected who I do not know directly, I hurt with them and for them.
Prayers...lots of prayers...I've been praying more the last few days than I have in a while.
Even more prayers when two of my friends had children in the hospital yesterday.
Perhaps the thing that has hit me the most with all of this is how many people are hurting this time of year. A time of year I've always loved is a time of year many people can hardly bear.
That's one way I believe my heart is changing with all that has been going on...having a heart that is more compassionate for those who will maybe never again have a "Holly, Jolly Christmas".
Make me an instrument of Your peace
Where there is hatred let me...show...love
Where there is darkness let me shine light
May Your love cause us to open up
Cause us to open up our hearts
May Your light cause us shine so bright
That we bring hope into the dark