"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV
I must tell you...I often cling to that verse. I find myself reciting it at least once a day, and this is something that I don't think I've really shared with anyone (why is it that a blog will allow someone to convey these things).
You see, I know that it is not pleasing to God for me to fear death, not that I'm afraid to die, I'm afraid to not be here for my kids. I'm afraid they won't know who I am. Recently I was praying for a young woman who I don't even know who was battling breast cancer. She has three children just like me. She is young just like me. There were nights when I couldn't sleep thinking about her. So I would pray, and then I would feel overwhelmed with the thought that it could be me someday.
I also fear losing one of my children. When I was pregnant with Sarah in the summer of 2006, I remember reading an article in the Rolla Daily News about a little boy who was hit on I44 as he tried to cross it. He evidently was upset after a little league game, and left the house without his mom knowing to go see his dad who was at the hospital. I cried for this family...who I don't even know. There were nights (again) when I just sat wide awake thinking about it.
Sometimes I fear losing someone close to me, specifically my husband. I wonder how I could live without my soul mate. How I could raise my kids without their daddy, and how I would make sure they knew who he was.
Funny...it's almost like God is speaking to me as I type this...How Great is Our God is playing on Sirius Radio.
I realize that everything I just typed is in direct contradiction to my blog title and concept. I really do give all of my daily happenings over to the Lord. If I'm upset with Josh, I pray. If I'm frustrated with the kids, I pray. I'm not sure why I let things that are completely out of my control...things that have not happened...get to me. I remember listening to Joyce Meyer once as she spoke about this very subject. She spoke about not letting a "spirit of fear" consume us. It was like she was talking directly to me.
So, I will pray. I pray that these thoughts will leave me. That I will enjoy each day that God gives me, whether it's 20,000 more days or 20 more days. That I will cherish my family and not take them for granted.
Because God has not given us the spirit of fear.