Who Do You Represent?

It was an early Saturday morning, I was sitting outside of our church's gym (or multipurpose building...I don't really know what we call it) as I held a crabby Gabriel. I was waiting for Caleb's Upward game to get going, the other games had not ended, so the crowd from those games had not cleared out yet. I saw Josh's dad walk up to the door and come inside, he stood by me and talked, it helped Gabriel to see Papa. It helped me, also, because I was feeling equally crabby as Gabriel was having his moment of being a 3-year-old.

And then a young woman and her husband walked up to Josh's dad and said, "Well, hi, Steve! What are you doing here?!" I didn't know it, but they worked together. They made small talk, he explained that his grandson played Upward and that his son and daughter-in-law attended church here. He introduced her to me.

Then she smiled at me and said...

"Oh, you sing at the 10:30 service, don't you?!"

Instantly I sat up a bit straighter. I tried to wipe off the irritated look I must have had on my face after a difficult morning with one of my kiddos. In that brief moment, I couldn't believe she recognized me as one who she sees on stage.
















Stephanie and Lajoie on the left...two girls I sing with if they're on the same rotation! :) Nathan on the right, our minister of worship. *Photo credit Greentree website, pretty sure Bonnie Hall took them.


I said, "Yes, I do sometimes." I think I also said something about not believing she recognized me because I felt like a bum that day, wearing no make-up, hair barely fixed, jeans and a t-shirt happened to be my attire.

That one moment really got me to thinking. If I'm in front of 400 - 500 people on a Sunday, and if they see me as one who represents the church, and if they see me out and about, I'd better represent the church appropriately, right?

Now please don't misunderstand me. First and foremost (of course) I should ultimately be representing God, His Word, and what His love means. We are His church. So I sort of put representing the church I attend and representing the Lord in the same category (you can disagree, leave a comment). ;) If I take on the responsibility of being in front of people, whether it's something as recognizable as being on stage or being the greeter at the front door, I am a part of something with His name on it (literally or figuratively depending on what church you attend I guess).

So if I'm at Walmart, shouldn't I be very mindful of how I speak to my husband or how I interact with my children? I can just see it now: "Gosh, did you hear what she just said to him? I can't believe she sings on Sunday mornings!"

What about other avenues in life? I've always wondered this. I know people become really adamant about having their professional and personal lives completely separate. If I'm a nurse and I do a great job, then that's that, right? But what if a patient sees me getting plastered at a wedding reception or at some other place. What about teachers? How would I feel if my son's teacher was swearing up and down at her waitress in a restaurant or at a ref during a little league game? What if I heard an off duty police officer make crude jokes in hearing distance of my children?

Shouldn't good character be evident everywhere? Should we really just turn it off and on depending on if we're "on the job" or not?

I don't think the young woman really thought anything of my demeanor that morning. She has children, too. I think most moms are understanding. But it did get me to thinking. I'm not saying I can possibly be perfect everywhere I go, but I do think I should be very mindful of who I represent.

And really...I should be mindful whether I think someone is watching or not.


"A woman of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." Proverbs 31:10

Misc. Monday - Blogging, 3cm, Girl Day, Baby Clothes, AC, Baby Stuff

Spring break is over, back to a normal Monday. Happy April!



1. I just didn't feel like blogging this morning. I'm not sure why. I think it's because I feel like I have so much to do around here (in full nesting mode) that I didn't want to pause and write. But I told myself at the beginning of the year that I would be consistent, and during the first three months of the year, I have not missed a Monday, Wednesday, Friday post! I like that I'm back to blogging, and I like documenting what's going on or what I'm thinking. Thus, I made myself sit down and do this Misc. Monday.

2. Thursday marked 37 weeks of pregnancy, which means I'm full term. Baby girl can arrive any day now as far as I'm concerned! :) I am 3cm dilated but the doctor said I was "still thick" which means not effaced much (and if you don't know what either of those terms mean, it just means my cervix isn't ready, Google for more info).

















3. My mom and I had a "girl day" on Friday, just the two of us. We were going to shop a bunch, but I told her I didn't think I had it in me! So instead, we had a very relaxing day out at my parents' house. It's so peaceful out there, I just love it. And I'm also quite fond of doing nothing, so it fit my personality. We did do one, short trip to Walmart in the morning where I found a few cute outfits for baby girl, and then later in the afternoon I got a pedicure.

The next day we took a trip to Big Lots in Rolla and found the perfect dresser for the girl room.















4. I got out Sarah's baby clothes, washed, folded, and put them away in the new dresser (oh, the dresser, I might add, took Josh about 4 hours to put together...it was so complicated). I didn't realize how many memories would come back to me seeing those clothes, it was so emotional! But Sarah made me laugh often when she would say, "Oh, I remember wearing that!" I'm sure you do, sweet girl. Ha!












Sarah and my mom at her dedication at church.

5. We turned on that AC yesterday. It's only April! We think there is something wrong with it, though. It never really cooled down the place. I guess it's better to find this out now as apposed to the heat of the summer. But I'm not good with the heat these days, so I wish it was cool NOW! Speaking of heat, I guess my kids get that from me...not liking the heat. I mean, it has been in the mid to upper 80's, but they just don't last long outside when it's in the 80's. Sad, I know! We should have gotten out a sprinkler or one of the kiddy pools I guess.

6. Sometimes people ask me if I really need anything since I already have kids, specifically since I've already had a girl. I do have all the main, big stuff and some clothes (though when Sarah was born, that's when I became a stay-at-home mom, so I didn't really get her a lot of clothes because I kept her in sleepers a lot). I'd say that main things moms need when they already have kids would be:

Diapers
Wipes
Desitin
Baby wash

And when it comes to my kids, newborn-sized diapers aren't even necessary! I was telling my mom that the other day, size 1 starts at 8 pounds, and if I keep with my pattern, this baby will be a big one. Caleb was 8lbs, 3oz - Sarah was 8lbs, 14oz - Gabriel was 9lbs, 3oz.


Here's hoping baby girl arrives soon...this week would be fine with me! :)

Fighting In Front of Kids

The other day I stumbled upon a website belonging to an author and pastor (I think?) because I saw the title of an article from Pinterest called Ten Actions That Kids Learn From Their Parent's Marriage. It's funny how the original reason I clicked on it had nothing to do with what I took away from it - mostly because of some of the comments. The one that stood out to me had to do with a grown woman discussing her upbringing and how her parents fought in front of her:

I'm 30 years old, no kids, and just two weeks ago I tried to explain to my own parents how influential there relationship has been on my life. My parents have definitely had their ups and downs just like any marriage...however, they did a lot of their fighting in front of me. Made me feel like I had to pick sides on who was right. And always involving me with their adult issues. I was 11 years old. I didn't need to know what was going on in my parents’ marriage. But my mother always made it a point to tell me what he was up to.

In contrast, a woman replied about her upbringing being completely opposite:

I grew up the exact opposite and also got married at a very young age. I was married at 18 (to my high school sweetheart), had my first child at 19, and divorced at 20. I wanted a relationship exactly like my parents: My parents NEVER fought in front of us. I cannot remember one time them fighting. I married for the 2nd time and found myself thinking "I don't need a man" anytime that we fought. I thought marriages were supposed to be perfect and we were never supposed to fight.

*These comments were much, much longer, but I just used a small portion. You can probably find the comment in it's entirety if you really want, just have to click on the link to the article.

Do you argue or fight (or discuss heatedly...whatever you want to call it!) in front of your children? I can tell you that Josh and I are NOTHING like our parents, and I won't go into much detail about what those dynamics were like. One of us understands the no fighting thing and how that affects how a person views relationships. The other understands once-every-five-years-fighting and how never discussing anything and then fighting ugly can affect how a person views relationships.

Most would agree that the situation from the first comment is not a good thing - to fight like that or discuss adult issues with a child. But do we also realize how detrimental it is to never fight or disagree in front of our children either? If they never see us argue or recognize that adults don't always agree, then they will think that marriages are just perfect - like the second commenter.

I guess I bring this up because I've often heard that parents shouldn't fight in front of their kids. Even though it's been tough around here at times, I can honestly say that Josh and I don't yell or call each other names when we're angry. I think it's good for our kids to see that things aren't always perfect. But if I can tell it's going to get a little too heated, I will make a point to stop and say, "We'd better do this later." Honestly, that's not very often (just the "too heated" part...don't get me wrong...we've disagreed in front of them...maybe more than some would think is ok).

I can say with 100% certainty, though, that I will never, ever tell my children what their dad is doing "wrong"...I have best friends for that, and that's where it should stay (I mean, if I need to vent, I will tell a best friend).


What is your fighting policy?

Must. Wash. Windows.

This sweet boy...
















...made me laugh last night after dinner. I couldn't help it.






Yes, it means cleaning the window in my china hutch. But gosh, it was just so funny.

Would my mom have been ok with this when I was a kid? No, probably not. Maybe some of my friends cringed when they watched. But it's ok. I won't let him do it at your house, ok? :)

Misc. Monday - Weekend, Sarah, Postpartum, Pat, Ants, Full-term

It's Spring Break around here, so it's a happy Monday for us! :)




1. We had such a good weekend. Everything went as planned, our hotel room looked exactly like the picture, the dinner was amazing, the movie was awesome, and time spent together was just a lot of fun.
















Here I am, a little too happy at The Melting Pot!

When we walked around the mall, my objective was to find some clothes for the kiddos for Easter, and I did. I found a really neat store called Crazy 8, and I loved the colors and the prices. I did not, however, find anything for baby girl. I'm not sure why!


2. This is very random - thus, fits in Misc. Monday - but I've just been thinking how much I wish Sarah was more cuddly. My boys have always been this way, always cuddle with me. I wonder if this is a girl thing, a birth order thing, or just a personality thing? She gives me hugs and kisses, tells me she loves me, don't get me wrong. But when it comes to climbing up on my lap and just staying for a while, it's not really her thing. Have you noticed this difference among children? Is it a boy/girl difference?

3. Speaking of girls, my friend Ashley just had her baby boy, and she wrote a post about feeling great and happy and everything is just perfect. I wonder if this is also boy/girl related! :) When I had my boys, I remember feeling that way! When I had Sarah, I struggled A LOT, even to the point that I'd say I had postpartum depression for about six months. Again, I'm not sure if this is order of children or if the hormones are different after having different sexes? I do think about it since I'm having a girl this time, and maybe since I'm more aware of it I can handle it better?

4. Rush Limbaugh doesn't offend me when he calls a woman a slut. Bill Maher doesn't offend me when he calls a woman a...well...Google what he called Sarah Palin. Should I feel offended? I don't know, I just figure anyone can spout off crummy things, unless it's my best friend or husband or mom, I'm not going to let it get to me. But you know who offends me? Pat Robertson. I guess when a person is in the spotlight as a Christian, I feel that they represent all of us. And when they say something hateful or not in line with scripture, it makes the rest of us look hateful as well. So when he said (referring to the Broncos and Peyton Manning), "If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback. And in my opinion, it would serve them right." Serve them right? UGH! Why would he say that? He doesn't even talk about pro sports normally, does the really think God is upset with the Broncos for getting rid of Tim Tebow? Maybe Tim Tebow isn't supposed to be there anymore! Remember Isaiah 55:8, Pat.

Not to mention when he said Haiti deserved what it got because it had a pact with the devil.

5. I hate ants. They are back in my kitchen like they are every spring. No matter how much I clean or bleach or find products that are recommended to me from a store, nothing works. Looks like we'll be spraying again soon. Super.

6. My doc is on vacation Wednesday, Thursday, Friday....just when I'll be 37 weeks/full term (on Thursday). So even though I really want to have her early, I really want my doc around! So I guess I'll wait another week...you know...if baby girl is agreeable!

Our Last Date

Well...for a very long time that is.

Josh and I have planned a mini-getaway before baby girl comes. Technically I will be full term next week - during his spring break - and he had mentioned going away somewhere: places like Branson or Lake of the Ozarks. But I just didn't want to be too far just in case. He also said we could take the kids and make it a family thing, but knowing me, I know that after baby girl gets here, I won't be going out with my husband for quite a while (because I exclusively nurse and don't pump...not that I couldn't...not that I couldn't use formula for a night out...I'm just really bad at leaving newborns...or, umm...three month olds...yeah, maybe even six month olds).

So anyway, my parents and his parents are helping with kiddos, and we are going to St. Louis for an extended, overnight date.

We will check in to the DoubleTree by Hilton in St. Louis on Saturday afternoon.














After we settle in, take a nap, lounge around for a bit, we'll head out to The Melting Pot where we have reservations for dinner.












I've never been there, so this should be fun!

Next we'll go see The Hunger Games at the Chesterfield Mall. Josh read the series of books, and he thought it was great (one of my close friends also read it and is gaga about it...so hopefully this will be a great movie).












After the movie we'll probably go back to the hotel and crash. Or watch tv...you know, something exciting like that. Maybe I'll watch the news or state up late (for me) and watch Letterman!

I'm guessing I won't be able to sleep in the next morning because it's just not in my genes! I'm too much of a morning person, but it will be nice to just relax and have a slow-paced morning. There is an IHOP close to our hotel, and I can't think of a better way to spend the morning than to start it off right with IHOP!










After breakfast I'm not sure what we'll do. We might go to the mall...I still need to find a "going home" outfit for baby girl, and I think Josh would like to find some new clothes for work. We'll just mosey around, nothing much, but much needed time alone together before our life changes with a newborn.

I am excited to do this. I can't wait to meet my baby girl and for our family to grow, but I know that it's hard to be just me and Josh when family dynamics change. At least for a while anyway.

"Sweet, an overnighter! Don't get knocked up!"

Don't worry, friend-of-mine-who-likes-to-give-me-crap. I'll try not to! :)


Did you have a "last date" before a new baby arrived?

I'm Better at Not Judging (but not in this case)

Over the course of seven and a half years, I have worked very hard to be better at not judging fellow moms. I've learned that our upbringing and circumstances lead us to parent the best way we know how, and insert several books into the mix, many of us find ourselves doing a combination of what our moms did, what our moms didn't, and what experts say to do.

I don't even know what kind of mom I'd call myself. I should write a post about things here and there that come to mind that have worked for me or not worked for me, things I feel strongly about, etc.

-I bottle fed my 1st born. Breastfed my 2nd and 3rd.
Plan to breastfeed #4.
Lack of support, lack of knowledge, and going back to work probably kept me from nursing #1.
-I love pacifiers and will not allow thumb sucking.
And pacifiers are taken away at 2-years-old.
-I'm against children being in my room at night (unless it's a newborn in a pack-n-play/bassinet thingy during the first months of nursing).
-I've never cloth-diapered.
-I'm ok with tv.
But not ok with too much tv or electronic time.
-My kids sip my soda sometimes, but they can't have their own.
-My kids quit naps around 3-years-old.


These are just a few little things that I know about me as a mom. But if you don't do all of those things like me, it's ok. I don't care. I think I used to care. I think I would have argued my point with you, but now, I just realize that we all have reasons for what we do. I'll still probably discuss topics as they come up, but I don't let it get under my skin like it once did.

Except in the case of Toddlers and Tiaras. In that case, I judge.

A lot.

Like enough to make my blood pressure go up I think.

Maybe it would be different if the moms were trying to teach the girl class and how to carry themselves. Maybe if they were trying to teach them how to be confident in front of people or how to be good at public speaking. But that's not it at all.

It just looks like a parade of fake, fake, fake.

Little girls who are 5 but look 13.

Little girls who shake their booty and smile that big, sometimes fake smile (because they use fake teeth once they start losing their baby teeth).

Now I admit I don't watch the show, so I can only go by clips I see as previews or clips I see on the Today Show when they've done segments on it. But when it comes to the behavior of many of the girls, they seem to be extremely disrespectful to their parents. The parents spend tens of thousands of dollars to do this, most of them don't have that kind of money (when they reveal what they do for a living and we can see what kinds of homes they live in). They go into debt to do this, and why? And recently I saw a report on moms giving their girls go-go juice, a combination of Red Bull and Mountain Dew. It's supposed to give them energy to keep going during the day.




My sweet 5-year-old daughter looks like this:

















She is gorgeous. Yes, I say that because I believe it. I know I'm her mom, but she isn't the only one I think is gorgeous. When I watch her play with her little friends, when I see them at church or preschool, I think they are beautiful, too. Their precious smiles, their kind attitudes, their little shorts, t-shirts, flip flops. They are being little girls.










Graysen (4), Elena (5), and Hannah (5). Three of Sarah's precious, beautiful friends.


They don't wear make-up.
They don't spray tan.
They don't use tons of hair spray to keep up their fancy hair.
They don't have fake teeth to cover up the fact that they've lost their baby teeth.

They are just little girls being little girls. And they look their age.















But in the world of pageants, the girls are praised for their fake appearance. An 8-year-old looks 14. Is the girl shown above beautiful? Yes, of course. In BOTH pictures, and I'd go as far to say, even more beautiful on the left. Because that's the real girl.

I wonder what these girls think of themselves. I wonder what life lesson they are being taught through this experience. I've seen clips of little girls completely breaking down when they don't get the 1st place trophy, even if they do get a 2nd place trophy.

It's hard enough to raise little girls in our culture...you know...as they walk past a Cosmo or Glamor magazine at Walmart or see commercials for Hardees with blatantly sexual content (yeah, and it's great that they show these during unsuspecting shows, I keep the remote in hand during pretty much all shows). But when moms are purposefully making their girls fake, I just don't get it. I really don't.

So I'll judge. I can't help it. I've gotten better, but not with this.

Oh, and I might judge you if you don't have your 2-year-old in a car seat of if you put beer in their sippy cups. You know. I'm only human.

:)

The Perfect Card

Today is my husband's birthday.

He is 31.

Yes, he often reminds me that I am older.

Yes, I often remind him that I am wiser. :)


What I have found to be difficult at times is picking out the perfect card.

I think that funny/humorous cards are good for best friends or a sibling.

I think sappy cards are good for moms and dads, depending on the relationship I suppose.

But I don't usually get a humorous card for Josh because it seems so shallow (for a spouse). I like sappy cards, but for him, sometimes they seem over-the-top.

And I must confess, as vaguely as possible, that when you've had a rough spot in your marriage, it makes it even harder to pick out a card. The last year and a half have been tough.

I remember texting a friend around Valentine's day about trying to pick out a card. I said something like, "Why can't a card say, 'Yeah, things suck sometimes, but we're still in this.'"

I also wish it said something like, "I'll love you when you're a jerk if you'll love me when I'm a !@#$%."

It's true, right? I mean, unless you haven't experienced this, then you probably don't get it and think I'm horrible! But when you've endured a lot, sometimes the sappy sunshine and rainbow cards just make you want to punch someone (ok, maybe that's just me because I'm hormonal and pregnant)!

So what card did I pick out for his birthday?

It said this:

For My Husband

Who's the first one I turn to when things go wrong?
Who's the first one I tell when good fortune smiles on me?
Who gives me a fighting chance before rushing in to save me?
Who sometimes knows me better than I even know myself?

It comes as no surprise...
My answer is always YOU.

And then at the bottom, I wrote this:

















Because I had to include the word sucky to balance it out! :)


Last year I had an even harder time picking out a card. I literally made my own! I wonder if he still has it. That would be fun to scan and post.


Do you ever have a hard time picking out a card? Ever made your own because Hallmark just couldn't get it right?

Save Second Base

Last April I was asked to fill in for the office manager of the radiation oncology department at our hospital (the place one goes for radiation treatments after a cancer diagnosis). You may recall, I went back to work from January through September of last year, and the six weeks I spent in radiation oncology were probably my favorite.
















I think it's possible that the experience I had with those particular patients is what has influenced my opinion on a topic that I already had an opinion about, it just emphasized my feelings.

I saw people who had already been coming in for treatments, who seemed to have hit their stride, and who may have been past the scared stage. But I also saw new patients, the ones who had fear in their eyes, the ones who just wanted to know that everything would be ok.

Even though there's no way of knowing if it would really be ok. Knowing in that exact location my grandpa was told he had six months to live on a Friday...and died the next day...cancer is a scary thing.

And when women would come in with breast cancer, I can tell you that they were not thinking of how they could "Save Second Base"...

This is where my opinion on so-called breast cancer awareness kicks in.













There was probably a time in my life when the phrases like "I Love Boobies" and "Save the TaTas" and "Save Second Base" just made me roll my eyes. I wasn't necessarily offended, but I wasn't rushing out to buy the shirts either. There was never a time in my life when I thought that really helped educate women on a type of cancer that one in eight of us will get in our lifetime.

And I think my own biopsy experience in 2009 probably shaped my opinion as well.

Does "Save the TaTas" teach you about BSE's (Breast Self Exams)? Does "I Love Boobies" help men know how to be emotionally supportive to the woman in his life when she's diagnosed? When your mom is diagnosed, are you hoping she "Saves Second Base"?

I know it's supposed to be lighthearted. I know there are women who wear them because they think it's cute. Shoot, there are probably even breast cancer survivors who wear them. I know we all have our opinions, but for me, it's just a gimmick and a money maker, not really something that teaches us anything or promotes women's health. If anything, it objectifies us, making a breast cancer diagnosis nothing more than a downer for men hoping that her breasts are saved for his own sake.

And what if they can't be saved? Have you seen a woman who's had a double mastectomy? I wonder how she feels about these t-shirts. Her life has been saved, but she struggles with feeling like a woman because her breasts are gone. These kinds of shirts can't possibly help considering their message is clear: save the breasts...it's the most important thing.

The message should be SAVE THE WOMAN. She is my mom. My sister. My aunt. My grandma. My daughter. My cousin. My best friend.

I know this post won't change the world. The few who read it will either agree or disagree. But I do hope you'll consider what message those shirts are sending.

What message does it send to men?

What message does it send to women?

And maybe more importantly...what message does it send to children, especially little girls?

Being Fit Prior to Pregnancy - To Help During Pregnancy

Yesterday, this was my status update around noon:

To my friends who aren't moms yet but would like to be someday: GET IN SHAPE. I used to read articles on this, I thought it was only for delivery. Not so much. I wish I didn't hurt like I do now that I'm almost done with pregnancy, and I know it's because I was just a lazy bum! :) So do yourself a favor...go for lots of long walks, work out, whatever. You don't have to run marathons...but do something.

I wrote it for a couple reasons. First, it's true. Over the last several weeks, I have felt like I was going to fall apart. It sometimes hurts just to get up! Or walk! It's ridiculous. And I don't say this to sound like I'm giving myself a pity party. I know I've done this to myself - well, with Josh's help...ha! But Josh didn't keep me from working out or finding some sort of physical activity to stay fit. The pain I'm having in my lower back plus the fact that I get winded just walking around plus the way it hurts to do basic, household chores (especially vacuuming and dishes) is enough for me to try and give a heads up to future mommas. Or mommas who want more kids are are a little older this time! :)
















The other reason I posted it is because of what happened about 10 minutes prior. It's when I realized how much being out of shape has affected me. Gabriel and I had just picked up Sarah from preschool, and as we pulled into our driveway, I decided that I would bring in our trash can and recycling bin from the curbside. I do this on most Tuesdays, yesterday was no different. I pulled the van into the garage, and I told the kids, "Just give me a second, I'm going to get the trash stuff and bring it in." They usually just wait in the van during the 20 seconds it takes me to do this.
















This time, for some reason, one of them (I'm still not sure which one) decided to push the garage door opener/closer. In the split second I had to process this, I panicked and worried that if the garage door closed (with all other doors locked and my inability to get inside) that they wouldn't open it back up for me and they would get into all kinds of trouble in the garage by themselves. Or what if they went into the house without me. I just worried! So from the road, I darted towards the garage. Lord, I hope no one was outside to see me do this! Instincts always take over as a mom, and this time was no different. When I turned so quickly, it felt like I pulled every muscle and ligament in my lower half. In pain, I continued to run towards the garage, putting my foot in the way of the sensor so the garage would stop and go back up.

Oh, it was painful, and it was just a very short distance that I attempted to run! I'm actually not sure how I didn't fall because it felt like my legs were going to give out.

Had I been in better shape, I feel like this wouldn't have been a big deal.

I honestly don't remember feeling quite like this with my other three pregnancies. I can't decide if it's the age difference (I had just turned 29 when I had Gabriel, I am 32 this time for baby #4...what is it about being in your 30's?) or if it's the amount of pregnancies I've had. All I know is that I wish I had a regular workout routine prior to carrying this baby. I'm not saying I want to run a marathon before delivery like this woman, but I think lots of walks and good muscle tone from a weight lifting routine would have been very helpful.


How has being fit or not being fit affected your pregnancies?