My Day Off

Friday is my day off.

I have scheduled this ahead of time, so I'm using a personal day and not pretending to be sick and calling in to use a sick day. I have everything in order for my sub. She is highly qualified to take care of my duties, and I am confident that everything will be just as it should be while I'm gone. I leave for my adventure away from the daily grind at 7:00 am, and I'm not sure when I'll be back. But Josh will take over when my sub leaves, so the day won't be too long for her. And I know that he will do a great job as well.

A part of me will miss the routine of my day and the three people I'm responsible for. They always make me smile.

But alas, it's time for me to have some time away. It makes me a better person.

Thanks, Mom.

And thanks, Josh.

Follow Me

"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." Matthew 4:19

Ok, so I'm completely using this scripture out of context. Or not in any context pertaining to saving men's souls. Sorry. Actually, I just thought I'd mention the importance of "following" my blog in an official way - clicking on the "Follow" button over on the right.

You see, as a blogger/writer (not that I've ever really considered myself a "writer" per se) it's nice to know that people are reading. Do I only write because I want others to see? No. There are many times I sit down and think, "I just have to document what Caleb just said! And I want to write it now before I forget how I perceived it!"

But, the fact of the matter is, it is fun to know who is actually reading. And it's pretty easy to create a Google account. As far as I know, you can use ANY email address - hotmail, yahoo, gmail, or even specific providers like centurytel or charter. If you click on the follow button and don't currently have an account, you can make one then. And while you're at it, go and follow some of the blogs I've listed as "friend" blogs! They like readers, too!

And if you already have a blog and/or Google account, read my blog, and do not currently "follow me"...well, then you're just being rude. ;o)

So go ahead. Follow me. And ya know...I might just help you understand how to be "fishers of men" after all!

Wordless Wednesday

Best buddies...
























Sonja & Caleb, December 2006

Grown-Ups Don't Have Nightmares

As a child, sometimes a boy or girl will have nightmares about monsters in the closet or the boogie man under the bed. Parents will comfort their children, and eventually they grow out of it and know that these things are not real.

And I've never really mentioned this to anyone before, so I'm not sure why I'm writing about it.

For me, I remember having nightmares back as early as age four ...or thinking that I saw something in my little room that was in the image of what I can only explain as a ghost. I remember one night sitting in my bed, completely terrified, unable to move because I saw a white, ghost-like something in my room.

I still don't know what it might have been. Lights from a nearby house? Who knows.

But that was not the end for me. Throughout my childhood I would often be afraid at night. It wasn't going to bed in the dark...it was just waking up after a nightmare, or waking up and seeing things that were not there. Maybe it was just my childhood imagination. But I'm not sure why my mind thought that way.

So now, as an adult, you would think that this would be gone. I'm a grown up who can distinguish between reality and those things that are not real. There are no monsters in my closet or under my bed. I completely know that.

And yet...I still have nightmares. Bad ones.

I would say at least once every other month, I will have a nightmare that scares me so much that I wake up with my heart racing. I can barely breathe. I can feel myself becoming that little girl who thought she saw a ghost, sitting in my bed completely terrified, unable to move. When I pull myself out of that state of fear (the best I can) I will grab Josh's hand, usually wake him up, and tell him I had one of my bad dreams.

This happened to me last night, and I could not bring myself to get up and give Gabriel his pacifier when he woke up. I was truly that afraid. Josh got up to go across the house, and I turned on the lamp in our room because I did not want to be in the dark.

What kind of dreams are they? I'm guessing the kind that might not sound as terrifying if told to someone else. In last night's dream, my house was completely controlled by dark spirits. At the end, right before I woke up, I could feel my bed shaking (in my dream) and hear footsteps in my room, but no one was there. I would try to reach for Josh, but he could not get to me.

And that was just the end of the dream. The rest was just as bad.

One nightmare I had this summer was so hard to explain to Josh because it sounded so weird coming out of my mouth. I attended a massive funeral for six people. I did not know who they were (so I don't know why I attended). During the service, all six caskets were turned vertical so that the person inside was basically standing upright. Everyone in the room thought it was a great thing, I remember being very bothered by it while in the dream.

Then I woke up. I could not get that out of my mind for days.

I might be revealing too much about my psyche!

This is very difficult for me to understand, but I do know this: when I finally calm down, it's because I have prayed and prayed...just like I did as a little girl. Scripture will come to mind to comfort me, like Psalm 18:2 that says,

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge."

Or sometimes a song comes to mind. Last night it was Revelation Song, and I kept singing it over and over again in my mind. (This link is my favorite version of the song.)

Grown-ups DO have nightmares. Well, at least this one does. And I wonder why?

I still have trouble with being in the dark. I do not like the dark. The nightlight in our living room is just as much for me as it is for my children.

I pray that I can overcome this eventually. It's a difficult issue to have as an adult.



The other blog post I wrote today about waking up before my kids, I think part of it is to prepare my heart to go through the house in the dark. And I thank God for that.

A Mother's ESP

I've never really been one to get sick. Throughout my childhood and into my teen years, I was a student who usually had perfect attendance or near-perfect attendance because I just didn't miss school...because I just didn't get sick. Maybe it's genetics, maybe it was my immune system, I don't know.

But...of course there were a handful of times when I did get sick. And one time in particular came to mind when I was thinking of this extra sensory ability that mothers must have.

I was 14 or 15 years old, and my doctor diagnosed me with pneumonia (yeah, so I didn't get sick much, but when I DID get sick, I got it bad). I was pretty miseralbe one night, it must have been 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, and I really just wanted my mom! I don't know what I needed...maybe just a hand to hold, but I remember really wanting her to come into my room.

I did not have the strength to go into her room to ask for her to be with me. I also did not have the strength to even call her name. So there I was...lying in bed, thinking that I wish my mom was with me.

Within moments of waking up and knowing I wanted her there by my side, I heard her get up from her bed and walk across the hallway into my room. "Did you holler for me? I thought I heard you?" she asked.

Amazed, I said, "No, but I thought your name!"

I've never forgotten that.



A similar thing happens to me very often in my house.

At night, there are times when I wake up, WIDE EYED, and cannot for the life of me go back to sleep. In fact, I barely even feel tired when it happens. I just lay there, look over at the clock, and think to myself, "Why am I awake?"

But I finally figured it out. After being a mom for 5 years now, I finally know.

If it's that wide-awake kind of awakeness, I know I might as well just sit up and wait for one of the kids to get up. Within moments of it, Gabriel will cry. Or Caleb will have a bad dream. Or Sarah will want to crawl in bed with me. And because I am so awake, I can coherently walk through the house and help whichever child it is that needs me. Caleb needs comforting? I'm there. Sarah needs to be put back to bed? I've got it. Gabriel needs a binky? No problem.

I don't stumble around or have a hard time seeing because I've already been awake for about five minutes. Plenty of time to get myself together and help.

And I'm thankful for this ability. I used to be annoyed until I realized that I was awake for a purpose.

I can't explain it. It's the weirdest thing. But it works wonderfully late at night when someone needs me.

My New Favorite Quote

"It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't." Barbara Kingsolve

Thanks, Tina! This made me smile when I read it on your blog. I even posted it as my facebook status yesterday! (Oh...some of you didn't know I was back on facebook? I'll have to write about that someday!)

I'm not feeling very bloggy. This happens sometimes. Hopefully I'll be back to my normal, bloggy self soon!

Enjoy your last week of October!

A Sweet, Sad Face

I posted this a few weeks ago in a "Wordless Wednesday" but then realized that it might be good to give it some explanation so that you all don't think we are just really mean parents who like to irritate our children! ;o) I removed it. Here it is again.

Notice the sweet smile on Gabriel's face before Josh says the dreadful word...no...



The reason we decided to film it is because it was one of the very first times he had ever been told no. The actual first time was for something he was doing...I can't remember what it was...and he just got the saddest, most pathetic look on his face. He was on the verge of tears! I ended up picking him up and console him, but I was probably giggling because it was so cute...umm...in a sad way I guess!

So we thought we'd try to get it recorded on Josh's phone. I promise, we did not do this again to him for the sake of the camera. It only happened once. Now when he is told "no" it is because he is actually doing something he is not supposed to do!

And strangely, at only 11-months, he actually stops doing what he's doing.

I know that won't last forever...

The Word Judgmental

I have been thinking about this blog entry for quite some time...writing it in my head...thinking about how to word it and even looking online to see what others have said about it. I do not want to ramble, and I hope it explains what I've been thinking and how I perceive this. Mostly, I hope you'll gain a better understanding of this concept and I would love your feedback.

I often hear (or read) people say, "I'm not trying to be judgmental, but..." or even recently someone questioned me on something and they said, "No judgment from me..." and I just have to smile.

You see, if it's trivial things like if a child should use a binky vs. suck their thumb...or if it's something like buying a new car, those things don't really matter.

But when it's something that is contrary to God's word. And when a person has studied His word and feels discernment on a subject, I strongly believe that we as Christians CAN say that something is right or wrong. Even though some like to throw out the "You're being judgmental" card, the fact of the matter is, we are most certainly to hold one another accountable to live according to His word.

Ezekiel 3 speaks to this issue. We are accountable to discern right from wrong and help others realize it as well. The other extreme (when we are, in fact, passing judgment) is to actually condemn them to Hell for doing wrong, which we are told not to do because only God knows what caused them to do it. The parts of Ezekiel 3 are copied below:

18
If I say to the wicked man, You shall surely die; and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his wicked conduct so that he may live: that wicked man shall die for his sin, but I will hold you responsible for his death.
19
If, on the other hand, you have warned the wicked man, yet he has not turned away from his evil nor from his wicked conduct, then he shall die for his sin, but you shall save your life.
20
If a virtuous man turns away from virtue and does wrong when I place a stumbling block before him, he shall die. He shall die for his sin, and his virtuous deeds shall not be remembered; but I will hold you responsible for his death if you did not warn him.
21
When, on the other hand, you have warned a virtuous man not to sin, and he has in fact not sinned, he shall surely live because of the warning, and you shall save your own life.

I highlighted the word warn in that passage. I had actually never studied these verses until I started thinking about how to put together this blog post. I'm so glad God led me to it. It's sometimes very difficult to go to someone in Christian love and "warn" them that they are doing something wrong. Why is that? Because we fear that we will be perceived as judgmental? This scripture tells me that I AM SUPPOSED TO WARN those who are not living a virtuous life.

But what gives me the authority to do so? I'm not perfect!

No, of course none of us are perfect! I am a flawed, sinful creature. But I know that by studying the Word and having the scriptures in my heart I can discern between what is pleasing to Him and what is not.

Does this make sense?

It is hard for me (sometimes) to try and explain to someone that they are not living according to scripture. I am thankful for times when I've had a friend who has been bold enough to tell me when I'm out of line! It's hard to hear, but it's necessary. Very necessary.

Let's get over the idea of being judgmental. I think it's a misconception that can keep us from helping others see what God truly wants from us and for us.

Wordless Wednesday

October 18, 2009

The Magic House

On Saturday morning, Josh sat down to look at his facebook "news feed" and saw that one of our friends was going to The Magic House with his kids. That got him to thinking, so he looked it up online, saw all the fun we could have, and decided that we should go, too!

I would love to go back when it isn't so crazy busy - 12:00 noon on a Saturday when they are celebrating 30 years and letting people in for free (or discounted "donations") is not the best time to go! But...it was a lot of fun, and the kids really enjoyed everything! Even Gabriel!












































































For more pictures, click here.

I had never been to The Magic House, so I got to see everything for the first time with my kiddos. It seemed appropriate that I would go on their 30th anniversary...they even had "vintage" t-shirts that said 1979 on them...ugh...don't remind me! :o)

So if you ever get a chance, head on out to Kirkwood and you'll have lots of fun!

Hiland Dairy - A Love/Hate Relationship

On Wednesday night, while Caleb, Sarah, and I were at church, Josh took Gabriel to Country Mart to pick up a gallon of milk.

When I got home that night after choir, and all the kids were in bed, Josh mentioned to me, "Guess what I saw at Country Mart?"

I had no idea.

"Halloween Egg Nog!" he continued.

"WHAT? HOW COULD IT BE OUT ALREADY?" I said...a little excited...a little confused.

I knew that the product would be just like the regular, "Holiday" egg nog. I knew it was just a marking ploy to associate it with Halloween.




















And this is always my biggest weakness in the months of November and December. Sure, cookies, candy, and chocolate fudge are always hard to resist, but if I try, I can have "just one" of those. But egg nog...there is just no hope.

For a half of a cup (the serving size listed on the carton) it's 200 calories! The glasses in my house are all about 12 ounces, but I try not to fill them that full when I'm drinking this heavenly, creamy goodness. But...still...even just 8 ounces is 400 calories.

So I must know...who decided to contact Hiland Dairy and tell them to put egg nog out in October? It must be someone who knows someone. And someone who wants to sabotage my diet.

Shame on you. And shame on Hiland Dairy.

Now I'm off to go have a glass...

My Excellent Subpar Sewing Needle & Thread Skills

If there is anything I wish I would have learned younger in life that would greatly benefit me as an adult, it would be sewing. I wish I could fix the holes in Caleb's jeans with more than an iron-on patch (because those rip anyway) and I would simply LOVE to be able to make dresses for Sarah.

But I can't.

So when Caleb started AWANAs last year, I wondered how I would be able to keep up with the patches he would earn. Thankfully, all the little patches are iron-on, and they have stayed put quite nicely. The larger patches that he has received, however, are not iron-on (there is only one "big" patch per year in Cubbies...but it still has to be added to his vest). I asked my mom to do it last year, but this year, I decided to take the plunge and do it myself.

All I needed was a needle and thread. Simple enough.

It started with a tiny, rectangle shaped velcro piece that he needed to hold on his tiny Cubbie bear which he earned last spring for finishing the entire book. I made sure to complete this small task before the first Wednesday of AWANAs for the fall so that he would have it. I wanted him to know that I was very proud of him for completing the book, and I also thought it would be neat for him to show the "younger" Cubbies what they would get when they complete their first book.

After the first couple weeks this September, he earned the "big" patch, and I put it on all by myself.














I know...it's silly that I'm this proud of myself for being able to use a needle and thread. Heck, my sister made her own bridesmaid dress for my wedding...and here I am tickled that I was able to sew on a patch!

Nonetheless...I am still proud of my accomplishment. Humor me. Nod in agreement knowing that this was a big deal! ;o)

My Wish List

I'm pretty sure we all have some sort of "wish list" in our minds. We come across something in a catalog or on a commercial and we think, "Wouldn't it be nice to have that?!" Sometimes my wish list has practical gift ideas (not that the item is practical, but it's something someone could actually get me) and sometimes I have things on my proverbial wish list that is too expensive for me to even think of asking for. Oh...and there are items on my list that I would like that only I would do for myself...when the day comes when I feel like spending the money on it!

Here are a few things I've thought of recently and made a mental note to myself...that I should put it on my ever growing wish list:

Willow Tree Nativity Set

New pair of tennis shoes

Trip to Silver Dollar City - An Old Time Christmas

Trip to the dentist to have my teeth whitened

New couch and love seat

A day at Tara Day Spa (Manicure, pedicure, facial, massage...you name it!)

The movie Titanic

New Bedding for our room

New pair of jeans

Redo the landscaping in front of our house (I'd just like to take out the big bushes and find something smaller - the ones in the picture would be fine with me!)

Susan G. Komen t-shirt

A family photo shoot (In November perhaps in honor of Gabriel's 1st birthday.)

I'd better quit...this list could become long. But if I think of something else, I might add it just for record keeping purposes...ha!

What is something that would be on your wish list?

Wordless Wednesday

August 2008

Another Favorite Milestone

Someday we will have a cool new cell phone that can capture a video more clearly than our current phone - a Razr. For now, I can only share this new event with you with a less than stellar image:



It's hard to believe that Gabriel is already walking. This has probably been the fastest 10.5 months of my life. Well...I'm pretty sure the first year is always the fastest, and I know I felt this way with Caleb and Sarah, too. The years to follow do seem to slow down a TINY bit, but the first year just goes by in a blink.

In the last month or so, he has "achieved" several cute milestones. He can clap. He gives kisses - doesn't everyone love those open mouth kisses that a baby gives? He said, "Mama" about two weeks ago, and I literally jumped up from the couch with excitement. A few days later, he said, "Hannah," when we watched my friend's daughter for the day. It was pretty cute. What's even cuter...I can't seem to get him to say it unless he's around her!

Nighttime has gotten somewhat better. He still does not consistently sleep through the night, but I'd say every other night he does, and on the nights when he doesn't, usually he will settle back down if Josh just goes in and gives him his pacifier and pats him on the back.

I am finally at a point where I feel like I have my days figured out with the three of them. I often go to Wal-Mart or K-Mart with them, on my own, and they do just fine. My life is in order.

And I recall feeling this way in February of 2008. Guess what happened the last time I felt this way?

Before I Blogged

Before I used my blog to record the things my kids said or did, I used to just type it up in the form of an email and send it to my mom, mother-in-law, and Josh...and sometimes a few close friends. I would also send it to myself, and I have a folder in yahoo where I've saved them.

Today I was looking through some old messages, and I found this one:

Friday, September 28, 2007

Ever had a time in your life when you said, "I wish God could just give me a sign," or "I just want to hear Him loud and clear to know He's here." He can speak through others if we just listen...

I was at playgroup on Wednesday, and it's held at the First Church of God here in St. James - so some of the toys are "Christian" like Veggie Tales characters and dolls that look like disciples.

One doll was one we would recognize as Jesus.
















Caleb found it and showed it to me. I asked him who it was, and he said, "It's Jesus!" Then he sat next to me and put the arms on the doll straight out. He looked at it, then turned the doll towards me and said, "Jesus wants to carry you, Mommy."

No joke...it's what he said. I just looked at him for a second and smiled. I gave Caleb a hug and told him thanks.

Isn't God awesome??

I just smiled as I read it. I remember that day. I needed to be reminded that Jesus does want to carry me through my life.

And I wanted to remind you, too!

"The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8

Caleb's Confession

Tonight I drove to Rolla - in the pouring rain - to pick out a costume with Caleb. Just the two of us. I told him we could do that tonight, and I always enjoy our trips together.

He was talking about being hungry, and I told him he should have eaten his dinner. He completely avoided eating because he was so determined to eat a cookie. I told him he could not have one until he ate dinner. Then...the battle of the wills began.

I won.

As our conversation continued, he said something to me that I hope I never forget. In the most serious and sincere tone, he said, "Mom. I need to tell you something. I've been keeping something from you."

All we were talking about was dinner. What on earth could have come to his mind? But I said, "Ok, what is it?"


"I like spaghetti-o's better than pork."


Alright, fellow moms. We all know we do our best to keep from busting out in laughter when our kids say something we perceive as funny but when we know they are being serious. Tonight was not one of those times for me. I tried so very hard. But I laughed. A lot.

He asked me why I was laughing, and I said I was just laughing to myself. I'm not sure if that was good enough to keep him from really knowing I was, in fact, laughing at what he said.

"Will you tell dad?" he continued. "I don't want to have to tell him."

That time, I held back the laughter.

"Yes, sweetie. But it's ok, you know. We all like different things!"

That seemed to help his troubled conscious.

Tonight's one-on-one time was so fun. And I'm glad Caleb felt comfortable enough with me to confess something so important.

:o)

Attn: FBC Nursery Workers

Dear FBC Nursery Workers:

My little guy is officially weaned. This means I will be bringing bottles on Sunday mornings with powder in them. All you have to do is fill them with 8 oz of luke-warm water, probably around 11:00 or so.

Thankfully, after a massive closet-cleaning-frenzy last Saturday, Josh and I found all of Caleb's bottles. I was so glad to know I would not have to buy any new ones. We put them in the dish washer, and they looked as good as new. With one exception. Since Caleb went to daycare at that age, we wrote his name on all of them with permanent marker.

I just wanted to make sure you knew that I am aware of this. I have not lost my mind. I did not write "Caleb" on Gabriel's bottles. It's just that Gabriel is using Caleb's bottles.

Just wanted to clarify. I might seem like I'm going in a million different directions at times, but I do still know my kids' names. (Most of the time.)

Sincerely,
Chrissy

You Need a Good Laugh, Right?

I'm working on a "boo hoo I'm turning 30 in less than a month" post, but it's not complete. Still getting my pathetic feelings all put together.

So until it's done, how about a good laugh instead? This video had my husband laughing so hard there were tears running down his face and his stomach started to hurt.

No joke.

WFMW

This week only, I'm going to join Kristen over at We Are THAT Family and share something for "Works For Me Wednesday"...this will take the place of Wordless Wednesday...just today.














As a "themed" WFMW, we are all to share cleaning tips...but I'm not really very creative or knowledgeable when it comes to cleaning.

There was really only one thing that came to mind that I found to be helpful a couple months ago.

On occasion, I will let the kids chew gum. Oh, yes. You know where this is going. Somehow (and I still don't know how) Sarah's gum ended up on a pair of her shorts. I don't even think they were the shorts she was wearing at the time, they were an extra pair I had packed for her!

I just happened to be at my mom's house, and I asked, "How on earth am I going to get this off of her shorts?"

"Go get an ice cube," she responded, "and hold it on the gum."

And how exactly was that going to work? I was perplexed.

But...nonetheless...I tried it. And to my surprise, it worked perfectly. The ice chilled the gum so much so that it basically froze it. The gum turned into a hard substance, and it peeled right off. No trace of gum left on the shorts.

So if you find yourself in a sticky situation, grab and ice cube and rest assured, you'll be ok!

And thanks Tina for introducing me to her blog. She is one of us even though we don't know her personally :o)

Sarah and a PBS Kids Character

I've come to realize that my daughter looks way too similar to a character on Sid the Science Kid.



















I've even known Sarah to dance like her...ha!

Christmas Music in October

As the weather changes, and as each morning is crisp and cool, I always find myself pulling out my Christmas CD's from our stash hidden away in our hall closet. Yes, I know it's only October. But ever since I can remember...our Christmas-music-listening-time always started around marching band season. Call us crazy. It's ok. (Oh, but don't put Josh in that crazy group...he thinks I'm crazy, too.)

I am very particular when it comes to my taste in Christmas music. If I find a CD that has mostly traditional songs (I'm talking at least 7 out of 10!) and if the arrangements are also traditional...having beautiful, symphony-like accompaniment, then that is the CD for me. There are a few exceptions, but for the most part, it has to meet those requirements.

My all-time favorite will always be The Carpenters Christmas Collection.














As I listen, I can just close my eyes and see our downstairs living room in the house I lived in as a kid. The lovely brick fire place...nicely decorated for the season. The Christmas tree that stood in the corner, always full of red poinsettias because that's what mom liked back then. That CD is gorgeous, but it also brings back wonderful memories.

Others that I listened to as a kid were Anne Murray, Kenny Rogers, and Barry Manilow. As an adult, I have purchased these CD's because the music allows me to step back and remember the winters of my childhood. Call me nostalgic.

Recently (over the last 5 years or so) I have grown to love other Christmas music. My current favorite (#2 to the Carpenters of course) is Christmastime by Michael W. Smith.














I love, love, love this CD. It is gorgeous. Really. He has a newer one than this, but I'm partial to this one. You should buy it if you are a fan of Christmas music. It's a must have for people like me...ha!

My other recent favorites are Point of Grace, Vince Gill, Andy Williams, Charlie Brown Christmas, and Selah.

And I just remembered Jewel after my sister's comment!

Believe it or not, I actually have more than this, but the others didn't make the cut to mention on my blog. They didn't meet my expectations, so they might need to be donated to Good Will. Perhaps someone else will enjoy them. Someone who isn't as picky as me.

Just thought I'd share this tidbit of information with you. Perhaps you were wanting to find a new CD to enjoy this Christmas season.

And I've just given you several ideas! :o)

His Favorite Toy

There is a toy that always seems to entertain my 10-month-old more so than any other. He is getting better at playing on his own, but I know for sure he will play on his own if this is in the room:











Annoying...yes...but it's always nice to find something that you know for sure a child really likes to play with! And not nearly as annoying as this toy.

And I'm hoping it inspires great, musical aspirations! :o)

Happy Friday to you! I might take the weekend off from blogging...come back on Monday!

The Post that Refers to the "B" Word

Have you ever been so angry at someone who hurt a friend or family member that you really wanted to punch them in the face? No...of course not...you are a Christian who would never even consider that sort of thing. Christians don't become angry, they don't have impulsive thoughts.

Have you ever had a woman do something that made you so angry that you actually called her the "b" word to yourself? No...of course not...you are a Christian who does not use that sort of language. Even the fact that I typed that concept should be enough to ostracize me from my local congregation.

The fact of the matter is...I'm human. I do strive to be Christ-like. I want to obey the scriptures that say, "Let no unwholesome talk come from your mouth," or "Do not repay evil for evil." I would never act on a thought like above. I would never use that kind of language. Those who know me best know that I genuinely don't talk that way. I don't act that way.

But...I have wanted to stand up for my sister when someone hurts her. I've wanted to drive 2.5 hours and beat up someone who has treated her so poorly.

I've had the "b" word come to mind when someone tried to interfere with my family on a very personal level. I even typed it out to one of my best friends when I sent her a message as I "vented" about someone.

WHAT? CHRISSY DID THAT?

Yes. I did. I am human.

But I know that God's grace is unfailing. He understands my emotions. And while I have asked for forgiveness concerning these particular instances - and really have to work at not feeling this way - thankfully, He has given me the strength and maturity not to act on any of these thoughts.

And that's a good thing. Otherwise, I would be in big trouble.