Thursday, May 20, 2010

Racing Thoughts

Last night I woke up at around 1:30 am with an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. This is not normal for me, I have never had panic attacks or anxiety attacks - especially over something as ridiculous as what was on my mind.

As you may recall, I won two prizes from the Ultimate Blog Party over at 5 Minutes for Mom. Since I already had a large Scentsy burner, I decided that since it was the end of the AWANA year, I would give one away last night to Caleb's Cubbies director after awards night. I also had a small one that I purchased back in December that I never used, so I gave that one to Sarah's Puggles director. They make nice gifts, and I thought they would enjoy them as much as me.

When I handed one to Sarah's Puggles director, I explained to her what it was, and she asked, "Is it a really strong scent?"

"Well, it can be, but you can easily adjust how strong it is by cutting the little squares in half," I responded. I also told her that I had a smoother scent at my house if she wanted to trade. Evidently she has asthma or some sort of breathing condition where strong smells can cause her to have trouble breathing.

And would you believe, that is what was racing through my mind at 1:30 am. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I gave something to someone that they might not be able to use. I felt guilty for not knowing that she couldn't have a Scentsy burner.

Then I began to think about the smaller gifts I gave to the "leaders" in Caleb and Sarah's class. (There are "directors" and "leaders" - all of which are important, but I was trying to be pracitcal with the gifts, and so it may have appeared that the directors got something "bigger"). I began wondering if they would think I didn't care as much or if I thought less of them as leaders.

Over and over these thoughts went through my mind. I think my heart started racing a bit, my mind was thinking quickly, my stomach even started to turn. After allowing myself to be consumed with something so petty for over an hour, I got up, went to our bathroom, and took two Tylenol PM capsules, hoping it would make me feel better and help me sleep.

It did.

I barely remember my alarm going off at 5:40 am to meet Kim for our run. But I do remember hearing rain, so I turned it off, rolled over, and quickly fell back to sleep. Good thing it was raining, Kim, I would have been a doped up running buddy this morning. I didn't even hear Josh get up to get ready for work, and that is not normal for me. I usually at least hear the shower start. He kissed me goodbye and said that all of the kids were awake. I knew I needed to pry myself out of bed.

After reflecting on why I was awake last night, I couldn't understand why I was so upset and so consumed with anxiety over something so small. It doesn't bother me now the way it did at 1:30 am. Why did my thoughts race like that at night?

Has this ever happened to you?


kimberly said...

This has happen to me numerous times. It is really weird feeling, because my mind starts spinning, thinking of something that I wouldn't give it a second thought. Maybe you felt this way because it was something you really enjoy and the thought that someone else doesn't. Anyways, even though I am sick of rain, it was nice to sleep in!

Mandi Miller said...

Oh yeah that has totally happened to me before. It happened a few times when I was pregnant so I just blamed it on my hormones! It's crazy though!!

e said...

I am totally familiar with this late night process because I have an anxiety disorder. I'm not on medication, but that's because of years of training myself to shift my mind into nothingness. It's either that or stay awake at night and freak out about something I said three weeks ago to that one guy with the ears in the freezer section...

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

Yes! All too frequently. I have to force myself to "let go" and drift away. Never had these issues before I became "post menopausal" yuck! I guess it goes with the package. LOL

accesskas27 said...

This happens to me allll the time.. because i worry too much. I'm trying to realize that I have to let some things go... a lot of times i will go back to apologize for something I thought i did, and they look at me like "what are you talking about"... so i'm learning to let it go.. otherwise it just embarasses me.... :-) and makes them feel akward...

Tara said...

Sorry to see Friday Follow go. I loved it.

I have a follow me Friday party if anyone wants to join in.

Hope to see you there!

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