Ten days ago, you may recall that I said I had hit my wall.
That night, I went to the ER.
They pumped me full of drugs via an IV but sent me home.
By Wednesday, it was more than I could take, and in tears I told my husband we had to go again. We asked our neighbor to watch the kids until my mom could arrive to watch them.
That was 9:30 pm.
At 3:30 am, I was admitted to the hospital, this time the ER doc said, "Don't you let them send you home until that gall bladder is out."
And instead of a basic, regular gall bladder surgery experience, I stayed in the hospital for FIVE LONG DAYS. I would include the internal picture the surgeon gave me, but it's disgusting. My gall bladder was so infected, I had to have a j-tube after surgery (oh, my word...I can't even think about it without crying). I was in pain for days after the surgery, and when they finally got to the bottom of the pain, I went home.
I wish I could have had it taken out back in September, but I couldn't risk it being only 10 weeks pregnant.
I am still very slow-going, still have pain, but I am feeling more normal every day.
There is no way our family could have functioned without the help of so many. Gosh, I feel so overwhelmed when I think about it. My parents watched kids. My mom stayed with me in the hospital. Our church sent meals to our house. A friend mowed our grass. Friends came to visit in the hospital including one from my small group, my pastor, my OBGYN, and my daughter's preschool teacher (which made me bawl). Another friend took pictures for me at Sarah's preschool graduation that I had to miss - which was so very difficult for me, I still get teary thinking about it...
But I know that I will feel like a new woman once I'm all recovered.
I feel like it's corny to say that something as simple as gall bladder surgery was life changing, but I think it was for me. When I was lying there in that hospital bed, and my little mom (who is just 5'4 and maybe 130 pounds) was helping to pull me out of that bed because I couldn't get out on my own, it really REALLY made me think. I've been blunt about my weight before, and I just had a baby, so I'll just go ahead and say I'm about 220 now. I keep thinking how hard it must have been for her to help me, but she did! Her little frame just stood strong, but it shouldn't be that way. I should work to not be so big, for MANY reasons. I don't ever want to be in a hospital for anything ever again, but if someone has to take care of me, from a family member to an EMT loading me into an ambulance, I don't want to be so big that it's so hard for them.
Is that crazy?
Plus, I want to be healthy for my family. I want to be here for my kids. I missed Sarah's preschool graduation, and I feel horrible about that. But I also want to be here for everything she does, and everything Caleb, Gabriel, and Leah does.
All of that...just from gall bladder surgery?
Sometimes God uses things like this in our lives. It's what He used in mine.
It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
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