Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Birth Order

As Kim and I were jogging this morning, I told her I had a billion things on my mind and that I wasn't sure what I would write about today (because sometimes it's hard to sort through thoughts when you have an outlet like this). By the end of our jog, I still had all those things on my mind, but one thing stood out, and I found our conversation to be interesting at the very end.

We somehow got on the topic of birth order and how it plays a role in the dynamics of our marriages. I now can see why it's so easy to talk and get along with Kim because we are both first-born children! :o)

Because we are first-born, we both confessed that we have dominant personalities. As a woman, that can be perceived as a negative trait in a marriage if you believe in submission (however you believe that word is defined...boy, that's another blog entry). The struggle for me personally is that Josh is second-born, and his personality is NOT dominate at all. He is much more happy-go-lucky, laid back, sweet kind of person. And...um...I'm not.

When I think of other relationships that I know of, it's interesting to me how couples interact, and for the most part I bet I could tell what their birth order is just by the small amount of information I know about their personalities and family dynamics.

My mom was the baby in her family (third child...and she followed a stillbirth...so that added even more to the "baby" factor I'm guessing). My dad was the middle child. Looking back I can see how this made for an interesting dynamic between the two of them. I bet you can see how that would be an intricate dynamic.

So what about you? Have you thought about how your birth order has shaped you as a person and how it effects your relationships? Especially your marriage?

4 comments:

SonjaMichelle said...

I remember thinking about this when I lived with Jami and Kelly.

Both Jami and Kelly are first born and I am the baby of the family (as you know). Which when it came to room mate suff...became quite a difference. I was always up for sharing! I have never NOT had to share my stuff (you always stole food off my plate and stuff like that) while Kelly and Jami were not so interested in sharing different things.

Eventually I got them to buy into the fact that it will all even out and that sharing would be a good thing.

There were other room mate things that Kelly and Jami were alike with, I think because of the first born thing.

Leigh and I are both babies of the family...which means we both know we are the BEST! It very fun!

Mrs. Haid said...

I am first born, too. I think it affects my relationships because I tend to think its my job to fix others problems or provide for them. My husband is first born, too, but I don't notice this self imposed responsibility trait in him. And we both are okay with how first born-nes manifests itself in our relationshps. I mean, sure, it would be nice if the other would be more submissive to the other and not so self sufficient... but we aren't complaining!

sjunk78 said...

I think it's all very interesting. I even read a book about it, it's by Kevin Lehman, and it's very good. I am the baby, and it pretty much nails me to a tee. Good post!

Mindy said...

I've definitely thought about this before...

Ryan and I are both first-borns (well, except he has a quite a bit older half brother but I don't think it makes him like the middle child) and I can tell that sometimes it causes conflict. I've also wondered before if we would be different if he had a sister and I also if had a sister... Hmm, you never really know!

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