Watching Kids Grow

Lately I've been reading several blogs or emails about moms and their little ones going to school. They say they just can't believe it. They cry. The kids cry. So much emotion about it all.

This year, since it is Caleb's second year of preschool, I didn't really "feel" anything. It really just seemed like I picked up where I left off from April. Only this year he's in a different room.

I did not cry on the first day. Or...let's go back a bit...I didn't cry when he turned 5 in August either (missing the cut off for kindergarten...but that was completely ok with me). I just thanked God for giving me another year, and thanked Him for the 2.5 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays that I have with just Sarah and Gabriel to clean house or play with just the two of them.

And honestly, I was even feeling a bit boastful. Just to myself. I kept thinking, "Wow, I'm really handing this growing up stuff pretty well! I must be the calmest mom there is about this sort of thing."

Then this morning happened.

Fortunately, Caleb's classroom is right inside the front door of the church. I can pull up, give him a hug, and stay at the van while I watch him walk up to the door, open it, walk inside, and go to his class. Until this morning, I really didn't think much of it. I was just thrilled that he could go inside by himself so I could stay at the van and not have to take Sarah and Gabriel inside with me.

But...as I watched him walk away this morning, it hit me. This little boy who is so full of energy, so loving, and becoming so independent, is growing up. Some mornings it seems like he grew overnight. Sometimes I just hold him and tell him, "Wow, you're getting so big!" because he really is. Seeing him go up to the door wearing a polo shirt because he wanted to look like daddy just made me see him differently. Like a little man.

He entered the building and disappeared from my sight. I put the van into reverse, and I could feel tears begin to fill my eyes - just for a moment - as I finally felt the tug at my heart about the growing up process.

These children are only given to me for a short time. I am to "train them up in the way they should go"...and then...they go! For some reason the "go" part sort of stood out to me this morning.

And that's the hardest part.