Friday, February 17, 2012

Hurts and Heartache - Putting Others Before Ourselves

This past Tuesday, February 14th, Josh's grandma passed away.

This is her 75th birthday in 2007, my favorite picture of us with her.

It's interesting to me how different it is to lose a grandparent as an adult as opposed to as a child. When I was just 14, I lost my maternal grandmother. I adored her, spent so much time with her, and was very heartbroken. I still miss her and still think about her. I even wrote a post about her a while back remembering all the sweet things about her. I grieved as someone who lost so much, not really considering anyone else.

At that time, my mom was only 35. I didn't consider that my mom had lost both of her parents by the age of 35. That's only a little more than 2 years away for me. I can't comprehend it.

When my dad's dad passed away in 2006, it was different for me. I was shocked at the loss, I was very sad, grandpa was one of my biggest fans when it came to my pitching! He would travel with grandma to all kinds of games, tell me how great I did, was at all kinds of events in my life.

But for some reason, it was different.

I was more sad for my dad, who just lost his dad. It broke my heart to think that my dad wouldn't have his dad to talk about the weather or the Cardinals or stupid republicans with a beer in hand as they stood around the BBQ grill.

Our last Easter with grandpa, he is seated in the middle of the picture, I was 5 months pregnant with Sarah.

I think the same is true for Josh. While he is hurting over the loss, especially since his grandma was his last living grandparent, I know he is more sad for his mom. He will miss her sweet voice, her sweet stories, and her sweet hugs and kisses...but as an adult, he recognizes that the loss of a mother would be a very difficult thing.

And I wish I would have recognized that when I was 14, I wish I could have hurt more for my mom instead of hurting for myself.

But I think that's something that comes with time: understanding other people's hurts and heartache and realizing that even when we hurt, there are others that could be hurting even deeper.


Anonymous said...

Such a beautiful post, Christina...I love you LOTS..never forget that.


Christi said...

Sorry for your loss. We have one living grandparent between the two of us.

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