Fighting In Front of Kids

The other day I stumbled upon a website belonging to an author and pastor (I think?) because I saw the title of an article from Pinterest called Ten Actions That Kids Learn From Their Parent's Marriage. It's funny how the original reason I clicked on it had nothing to do with what I took away from it - mostly because of some of the comments. The one that stood out to me had to do with a grown woman discussing her upbringing and how her parents fought in front of her:

I'm 30 years old, no kids, and just two weeks ago I tried to explain to my own parents how influential there relationship has been on my life. My parents have definitely had their ups and downs just like any marriage...however, they did a lot of their fighting in front of me. Made me feel like I had to pick sides on who was right. And always involving me with their adult issues. I was 11 years old. I didn't need to know what was going on in my parents’ marriage. But my mother always made it a point to tell me what he was up to.

In contrast, a woman replied about her upbringing being completely opposite:

I grew up the exact opposite and also got married at a very young age. I was married at 18 (to my high school sweetheart), had my first child at 19, and divorced at 20. I wanted a relationship exactly like my parents: My parents NEVER fought in front of us. I cannot remember one time them fighting. I married for the 2nd time and found myself thinking "I don't need a man" anytime that we fought. I thought marriages were supposed to be perfect and we were never supposed to fight.

*These comments were much, much longer, but I just used a small portion. You can probably find the comment in it's entirety if you really want, just have to click on the link to the article.

Do you argue or fight (or discuss heatedly...whatever you want to call it!) in front of your children? I can tell you that Josh and I are NOTHING like our parents, and I won't go into much detail about what those dynamics were like. One of us understands the no fighting thing and how that affects how a person views relationships. The other understands once-every-five-years-fighting and how never discussing anything and then fighting ugly can affect how a person views relationships.

Most would agree that the situation from the first comment is not a good thing - to fight like that or discuss adult issues with a child. But do we also realize how detrimental it is to never fight or disagree in front of our children either? If they never see us argue or recognize that adults don't always agree, then they will think that marriages are just perfect - like the second commenter.

I guess I bring this up because I've often heard that parents shouldn't fight in front of their kids. Even though it's been tough around here at times, I can honestly say that Josh and I don't yell or call each other names when we're angry. I think it's good for our kids to see that things aren't always perfect. But if I can tell it's going to get a little too heated, I will make a point to stop and say, "We'd better do this later." Honestly, that's not very often (just the "too heated" part...don't get me wrong...we've disagreed in front of them...maybe more than some would think is ok).

I can say with 100% certainty, though, that I will never, ever tell my children what their dad is doing "wrong"...I have best friends for that, and that's where it should stay (I mean, if I need to vent, I will tell a best friend).


What is your fighting policy?

Must. Wash. Windows.

This sweet boy...
















...made me laugh last night after dinner. I couldn't help it.






Yes, it means cleaning the window in my china hutch. But gosh, it was just so funny.

Would my mom have been ok with this when I was a kid? No, probably not. Maybe some of my friends cringed when they watched. But it's ok. I won't let him do it at your house, ok? :)

Misc. Monday - Weekend, Sarah, Postpartum, Pat, Ants, Full-term

It's Spring Break around here, so it's a happy Monday for us! :)




1. We had such a good weekend. Everything went as planned, our hotel room looked exactly like the picture, the dinner was amazing, the movie was awesome, and time spent together was just a lot of fun.
















Here I am, a little too happy at The Melting Pot!

When we walked around the mall, my objective was to find some clothes for the kiddos for Easter, and I did. I found a really neat store called Crazy 8, and I loved the colors and the prices. I did not, however, find anything for baby girl. I'm not sure why!


2. This is very random - thus, fits in Misc. Monday - but I've just been thinking how much I wish Sarah was more cuddly. My boys have always been this way, always cuddle with me. I wonder if this is a girl thing, a birth order thing, or just a personality thing? She gives me hugs and kisses, tells me she loves me, don't get me wrong. But when it comes to climbing up on my lap and just staying for a while, it's not really her thing. Have you noticed this difference among children? Is it a boy/girl difference?

3. Speaking of girls, my friend Ashley just had her baby boy, and she wrote a post about feeling great and happy and everything is just perfect. I wonder if this is also boy/girl related! :) When I had my boys, I remember feeling that way! When I had Sarah, I struggled A LOT, even to the point that I'd say I had postpartum depression for about six months. Again, I'm not sure if this is order of children or if the hormones are different after having different sexes? I do think about it since I'm having a girl this time, and maybe since I'm more aware of it I can handle it better?

4. Rush Limbaugh doesn't offend me when he calls a woman a slut. Bill Maher doesn't offend me when he calls a woman a...well...Google what he called Sarah Palin. Should I feel offended? I don't know, I just figure anyone can spout off crummy things, unless it's my best friend or husband or mom, I'm not going to let it get to me. But you know who offends me? Pat Robertson. I guess when a person is in the spotlight as a Christian, I feel that they represent all of us. And when they say something hateful or not in line with scripture, it makes the rest of us look hateful as well. So when he said (referring to the Broncos and Peyton Manning), "If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback. And in my opinion, it would serve them right." Serve them right? UGH! Why would he say that? He doesn't even talk about pro sports normally, does the really think God is upset with the Broncos for getting rid of Tim Tebow? Maybe Tim Tebow isn't supposed to be there anymore! Remember Isaiah 55:8, Pat.

Not to mention when he said Haiti deserved what it got because it had a pact with the devil.

5. I hate ants. They are back in my kitchen like they are every spring. No matter how much I clean or bleach or find products that are recommended to me from a store, nothing works. Looks like we'll be spraying again soon. Super.

6. My doc is on vacation Wednesday, Thursday, Friday....just when I'll be 37 weeks/full term (on Thursday). So even though I really want to have her early, I really want my doc around! So I guess I'll wait another week...you know...if baby girl is agreeable!

Our Last Date

Well...for a very long time that is.

Josh and I have planned a mini-getaway before baby girl comes. Technically I will be full term next week - during his spring break - and he had mentioned going away somewhere: places like Branson or Lake of the Ozarks. But I just didn't want to be too far just in case. He also said we could take the kids and make it a family thing, but knowing me, I know that after baby girl gets here, I won't be going out with my husband for quite a while (because I exclusively nurse and don't pump...not that I couldn't...not that I couldn't use formula for a night out...I'm just really bad at leaving newborns...or, umm...three month olds...yeah, maybe even six month olds).

So anyway, my parents and his parents are helping with kiddos, and we are going to St. Louis for an extended, overnight date.

We will check in to the DoubleTree by Hilton in St. Louis on Saturday afternoon.














After we settle in, take a nap, lounge around for a bit, we'll head out to The Melting Pot where we have reservations for dinner.












I've never been there, so this should be fun!

Next we'll go see The Hunger Games at the Chesterfield Mall. Josh read the series of books, and he thought it was great (one of my close friends also read it and is gaga about it...so hopefully this will be a great movie).












After the movie we'll probably go back to the hotel and crash. Or watch tv...you know, something exciting like that. Maybe I'll watch the news or state up late (for me) and watch Letterman!

I'm guessing I won't be able to sleep in the next morning because it's just not in my genes! I'm too much of a morning person, but it will be nice to just relax and have a slow-paced morning. There is an IHOP close to our hotel, and I can't think of a better way to spend the morning than to start it off right with IHOP!










After breakfast I'm not sure what we'll do. We might go to the mall...I still need to find a "going home" outfit for baby girl, and I think Josh would like to find some new clothes for work. We'll just mosey around, nothing much, but much needed time alone together before our life changes with a newborn.

I am excited to do this. I can't wait to meet my baby girl and for our family to grow, but I know that it's hard to be just me and Josh when family dynamics change. At least for a while anyway.

"Sweet, an overnighter! Don't get knocked up!"

Don't worry, friend-of-mine-who-likes-to-give-me-crap. I'll try not to! :)


Did you have a "last date" before a new baby arrived?

I'm Better at Not Judging (but not in this case)

Over the course of seven and a half years, I have worked very hard to be better at not judging fellow moms. I've learned that our upbringing and circumstances lead us to parent the best way we know how, and insert several books into the mix, many of us find ourselves doing a combination of what our moms did, what our moms didn't, and what experts say to do.

I don't even know what kind of mom I'd call myself. I should write a post about things here and there that come to mind that have worked for me or not worked for me, things I feel strongly about, etc.

-I bottle fed my 1st born. Breastfed my 2nd and 3rd.
Plan to breastfeed #4.
Lack of support, lack of knowledge, and going back to work probably kept me from nursing #1.
-I love pacifiers and will not allow thumb sucking.
And pacifiers are taken away at 2-years-old.
-I'm against children being in my room at night (unless it's a newborn in a pack-n-play/bassinet thingy during the first months of nursing).
-I've never cloth-diapered.
-I'm ok with tv.
But not ok with too much tv or electronic time.
-My kids sip my soda sometimes, but they can't have their own.
-My kids quit naps around 3-years-old.


These are just a few little things that I know about me as a mom. But if you don't do all of those things like me, it's ok. I don't care. I think I used to care. I think I would have argued my point with you, but now, I just realize that we all have reasons for what we do. I'll still probably discuss topics as they come up, but I don't let it get under my skin like it once did.

Except in the case of Toddlers and Tiaras. In that case, I judge.

A lot.

Like enough to make my blood pressure go up I think.

Maybe it would be different if the moms were trying to teach the girl class and how to carry themselves. Maybe if they were trying to teach them how to be confident in front of people or how to be good at public speaking. But that's not it at all.

It just looks like a parade of fake, fake, fake.

Little girls who are 5 but look 13.

Little girls who shake their booty and smile that big, sometimes fake smile (because they use fake teeth once they start losing their baby teeth).

Now I admit I don't watch the show, so I can only go by clips I see as previews or clips I see on the Today Show when they've done segments on it. But when it comes to the behavior of many of the girls, they seem to be extremely disrespectful to their parents. The parents spend tens of thousands of dollars to do this, most of them don't have that kind of money (when they reveal what they do for a living and we can see what kinds of homes they live in). They go into debt to do this, and why? And recently I saw a report on moms giving their girls go-go juice, a combination of Red Bull and Mountain Dew. It's supposed to give them energy to keep going during the day.




My sweet 5-year-old daughter looks like this:

















She is gorgeous. Yes, I say that because I believe it. I know I'm her mom, but she isn't the only one I think is gorgeous. When I watch her play with her little friends, when I see them at church or preschool, I think they are beautiful, too. Their precious smiles, their kind attitudes, their little shorts, t-shirts, flip flops. They are being little girls.










Graysen (4), Elena (5), and Hannah (5). Three of Sarah's precious, beautiful friends.


They don't wear make-up.
They don't spray tan.
They don't use tons of hair spray to keep up their fancy hair.
They don't have fake teeth to cover up the fact that they've lost their baby teeth.

They are just little girls being little girls. And they look their age.















But in the world of pageants, the girls are praised for their fake appearance. An 8-year-old looks 14. Is the girl shown above beautiful? Yes, of course. In BOTH pictures, and I'd go as far to say, even more beautiful on the left. Because that's the real girl.

I wonder what these girls think of themselves. I wonder what life lesson they are being taught through this experience. I've seen clips of little girls completely breaking down when they don't get the 1st place trophy, even if they do get a 2nd place trophy.

It's hard enough to raise little girls in our culture...you know...as they walk past a Cosmo or Glamor magazine at Walmart or see commercials for Hardees with blatantly sexual content (yeah, and it's great that they show these during unsuspecting shows, I keep the remote in hand during pretty much all shows). But when moms are purposefully making their girls fake, I just don't get it. I really don't.

So I'll judge. I can't help it. I've gotten better, but not with this.

Oh, and I might judge you if you don't have your 2-year-old in a car seat of if you put beer in their sippy cups. You know. I'm only human.

:)

The Perfect Card

Today is my husband's birthday.

He is 31.

Yes, he often reminds me that I am older.

Yes, I often remind him that I am wiser. :)


What I have found to be difficult at times is picking out the perfect card.

I think that funny/humorous cards are good for best friends or a sibling.

I think sappy cards are good for moms and dads, depending on the relationship I suppose.

But I don't usually get a humorous card for Josh because it seems so shallow (for a spouse). I like sappy cards, but for him, sometimes they seem over-the-top.

And I must confess, as vaguely as possible, that when you've had a rough spot in your marriage, it makes it even harder to pick out a card. The last year and a half have been tough.

I remember texting a friend around Valentine's day about trying to pick out a card. I said something like, "Why can't a card say, 'Yeah, things suck sometimes, but we're still in this.'"

I also wish it said something like, "I'll love you when you're a jerk if you'll love me when I'm a !@#$%."

It's true, right? I mean, unless you haven't experienced this, then you probably don't get it and think I'm horrible! But when you've endured a lot, sometimes the sappy sunshine and rainbow cards just make you want to punch someone (ok, maybe that's just me because I'm hormonal and pregnant)!

So what card did I pick out for his birthday?

It said this:

For My Husband

Who's the first one I turn to when things go wrong?
Who's the first one I tell when good fortune smiles on me?
Who gives me a fighting chance before rushing in to save me?
Who sometimes knows me better than I even know myself?

It comes as no surprise...
My answer is always YOU.

And then at the bottom, I wrote this:

















Because I had to include the word sucky to balance it out! :)


Last year I had an even harder time picking out a card. I literally made my own! I wonder if he still has it. That would be fun to scan and post.


Do you ever have a hard time picking out a card? Ever made your own because Hallmark just couldn't get it right?

Save Second Base

Last April I was asked to fill in for the office manager of the radiation oncology department at our hospital (the place one goes for radiation treatments after a cancer diagnosis). You may recall, I went back to work from January through September of last year, and the six weeks I spent in radiation oncology were probably my favorite.
















I think it's possible that the experience I had with those particular patients is what has influenced my opinion on a topic that I already had an opinion about, it just emphasized my feelings.

I saw people who had already been coming in for treatments, who seemed to have hit their stride, and who may have been past the scared stage. But I also saw new patients, the ones who had fear in their eyes, the ones who just wanted to know that everything would be ok.

Even though there's no way of knowing if it would really be ok. Knowing in that exact location my grandpa was told he had six months to live on a Friday...and died the next day...cancer is a scary thing.

And when women would come in with breast cancer, I can tell you that they were not thinking of how they could "Save Second Base"...

This is where my opinion on so-called breast cancer awareness kicks in.













There was probably a time in my life when the phrases like "I Love Boobies" and "Save the TaTas" and "Save Second Base" just made me roll my eyes. I wasn't necessarily offended, but I wasn't rushing out to buy the shirts either. There was never a time in my life when I thought that really helped educate women on a type of cancer that one in eight of us will get in our lifetime.

And I think my own biopsy experience in 2009 probably shaped my opinion as well.

Does "Save the TaTas" teach you about BSE's (Breast Self Exams)? Does "I Love Boobies" help men know how to be emotionally supportive to the woman in his life when she's diagnosed? When your mom is diagnosed, are you hoping she "Saves Second Base"?

I know it's supposed to be lighthearted. I know there are women who wear them because they think it's cute. Shoot, there are probably even breast cancer survivors who wear them. I know we all have our opinions, but for me, it's just a gimmick and a money maker, not really something that teaches us anything or promotes women's health. If anything, it objectifies us, making a breast cancer diagnosis nothing more than a downer for men hoping that her breasts are saved for his own sake.

And what if they can't be saved? Have you seen a woman who's had a double mastectomy? I wonder how she feels about these t-shirts. Her life has been saved, but she struggles with feeling like a woman because her breasts are gone. These kinds of shirts can't possibly help considering their message is clear: save the breasts...it's the most important thing.

The message should be SAVE THE WOMAN. She is my mom. My sister. My aunt. My grandma. My daughter. My cousin. My best friend.

I know this post won't change the world. The few who read it will either agree or disagree. But I do hope you'll consider what message those shirts are sending.

What message does it send to men?

What message does it send to women?

And maybe more importantly...what message does it send to children, especially little girls?

Being Fit Prior to Pregnancy - To Help During Pregnancy

Yesterday, this was my status update around noon:

To my friends who aren't moms yet but would like to be someday: GET IN SHAPE. I used to read articles on this, I thought it was only for delivery. Not so much. I wish I didn't hurt like I do now that I'm almost done with pregnancy, and I know it's because I was just a lazy bum! :) So do yourself a favor...go for lots of long walks, work out, whatever. You don't have to run marathons...but do something.

I wrote it for a couple reasons. First, it's true. Over the last several weeks, I have felt like I was going to fall apart. It sometimes hurts just to get up! Or walk! It's ridiculous. And I don't say this to sound like I'm giving myself a pity party. I know I've done this to myself - well, with Josh's help...ha! But Josh didn't keep me from working out or finding some sort of physical activity to stay fit. The pain I'm having in my lower back plus the fact that I get winded just walking around plus the way it hurts to do basic, household chores (especially vacuuming and dishes) is enough for me to try and give a heads up to future mommas. Or mommas who want more kids are are a little older this time! :)
















The other reason I posted it is because of what happened about 10 minutes prior. It's when I realized how much being out of shape has affected me. Gabriel and I had just picked up Sarah from preschool, and as we pulled into our driveway, I decided that I would bring in our trash can and recycling bin from the curbside. I do this on most Tuesdays, yesterday was no different. I pulled the van into the garage, and I told the kids, "Just give me a second, I'm going to get the trash stuff and bring it in." They usually just wait in the van during the 20 seconds it takes me to do this.
















This time, for some reason, one of them (I'm still not sure which one) decided to push the garage door opener/closer. In the split second I had to process this, I panicked and worried that if the garage door closed (with all other doors locked and my inability to get inside) that they wouldn't open it back up for me and they would get into all kinds of trouble in the garage by themselves. Or what if they went into the house without me. I just worried! So from the road, I darted towards the garage. Lord, I hope no one was outside to see me do this! Instincts always take over as a mom, and this time was no different. When I turned so quickly, it felt like I pulled every muscle and ligament in my lower half. In pain, I continued to run towards the garage, putting my foot in the way of the sensor so the garage would stop and go back up.

Oh, it was painful, and it was just a very short distance that I attempted to run! I'm actually not sure how I didn't fall because it felt like my legs were going to give out.

Had I been in better shape, I feel like this wouldn't have been a big deal.

I honestly don't remember feeling quite like this with my other three pregnancies. I can't decide if it's the age difference (I had just turned 29 when I had Gabriel, I am 32 this time for baby #4...what is it about being in your 30's?) or if it's the amount of pregnancies I've had. All I know is that I wish I had a regular workout routine prior to carrying this baby. I'm not saying I want to run a marathon before delivery like this woman, but I think lots of walks and good muscle tone from a weight lifting routine would have been very helpful.


How has being fit or not being fit affected your pregnancies?

My Moving Belly

It was two years ago that I started doing a My Movie Monday segment on my blog. It only lasted a couple months - as a big-time-blogger-wannabe I was hoping it would catch on, but I didn't notice many link-ups. So I just sort of gave it up.

But as I was looking through some of those posts, and as I was thinking about some of the short little videos (movies if you will) that I had captured recently, I decided to go ahead and do one today.

<center><a target="_blank" href="http://www.chrissyrenee79.blogspot.com/"><img width="200" alt="My Movie Monday at Traveling Light" src="http://i705.photobucket.com/albums/ww58/mduncan2009/5531d3af.jpg" /></a></center>

So I realized the other day as I was trying to capture my belly moving via my Blackberry that I had never captured this with my other three. I'm not sure why. I don't think I had a phone even capable until I was pregnant with Gabriel, and even then, it wasn't very good quality at all (I remember posting this video of Gabriel walking for the first time, and it looked bad to me - the quality anyway). Now that I have a phone that does pretty good videos, it's been easier for me to try and record this moment!





At 12 seconds, you can see the biggest movement of the video. I honestly think she must be camera shy because my poor tummy has moved much more than this, but every time I try to record it, she stops!


Have you captured any cute moments on video lately? :)

You Sure Have Your Hands Full

I have no idea why this phrase does not offend or annoy me in the least:

You sure have your hands full!

Or in the case of the most recent time I heard it, I was at my OBGYN's office for my 34 week checkup, and a medical student saw me first. He was taking some basic information, I was trying to not act as annoyed as I felt. I know they have to learn, but after going through three other pregnancies with students (I even had an EMT student witness Caleb's birth) I think I'm just done being their example. Let first-time moms be their guinea pigs, ya know? :) Ahem. Anyway, he said something about my blood pressure, and he said maybe it was because I brought Gabriel with me to the visit.

I said, "Yeah, or that this is my forth baby coming."

He replied, "Boy, you're sure going to have your hands full!"

I smiled and continued, "Yes, I sure will."

And I didn't feel upset at all. I didn't have some prideful, uppity response ready for him like, "My heart is fuller!" or something like that (I read that somewhere once when someone was telling moms how to respond to that phrase).

Why are moms offended? I mean, usually I hear the phrase from older/wiser moms, women who have been there and know what it's like. We literally do have our hands full at times, depending on the day depends on what exactly our hands are full with! Sometimes it's a kid on the hip, but sometimes it's our hands full of diapers, wipes, sippy cups, Legos, Barbies, whatever.

And that's ok with me.

And if someone means it in a mean way, I'm oblivious.

So go ahead and say it to Chrissy. I totally won't get the jab. You'll have to jab at some other mom with her hands full. :)

One-Liner Wednesday

Life is like sending your husband grocery shopping, you never know what you're gonna get.


:)

Decluttering

A while back (like...in August...wow...farther back than I thought) I mentioned doing a Tackle it Tuesday segment on my blog. I had just found out I was pregnant four days prior, so I wonder if that was on my mind when I considered writing it/doing it. Our home had become just way too cluttered for my taste (and I would think for anyone's taste) and knowing that a new little one would arrive, it really got the wheels in my head turning.

It's funny how a house that was big at first becomes small after a while! When we bought this house, it seemed just perfect. It was back in 2005, when we were just a family of three, the proud parents of a one-year-old. Now, fast forward to 2012, and we are about to become a family of six. Having a three bedroom, 1600 square foot house just isn't the same when six people have to live in it, so big changes have to be made.

I just really wish I remembered to take before and after pictures. Bummer.

So far our accomplishments over the last couple months have been:

• "Boy room" closet completely cleaned out and organized. I went through tubs and organized them better, I am ready to donate clothes that my "last boy" has outgrown as soon as I know FOR SURE this baby is a girl (not that I don't trust modern technology, but ultrasounds have been wrong before). Once those tubs are out, that will give us even more room in the boy closet.
• "Girl room" closet also cleaned out and organized. The crib was in there, so that freed up a lot of space when we took it out, but there was also other things that cluttered up the space, and that was taken care of!
• Hall/coat closet is cleaned and organized. This doesn't affect the kids or the baby coming, but it was just annoying, so I'm glad it's done! We also kept games on the top rack, and we organized and put aside some games that we never played in our donate pile.
• Toy room converted to girl room. This was huge, it even included painting the room. We now have Sarah's bed set up in there (along with the crib), and when we get the last piece of future in there (a dresser doubled as a changing table) it will be complete. Well...sort of...it needs decorations on the walls! (This is the only room/space where before and after pictures exist. You can see more here. Wow. Almost embarrassing.)
  

A big thank you to my husband for helping me with this. A lot of it was done completely by him, and there is no way I could have done it on my own.

There are still a few projects left to be completely clutter free, and those are:

• Our bedroom closet. Holy cow. It's so bad. I need a better way to organize in there!
• Our bathroom closet. Just lots of things I need to throw out.
• Some of our kitchen cabinets. Most of them are functional, but some of them are catch all cabinets, and I can't stand it.
• Boy room needs to be painted. This is not an organization issue, just something I told Caleb we would do, and I want to do that for him!

I think we can accomplish the first three on the "to do" list next weekend. It might even be possible to accomplish all four! It would be great to be done before baby. It's really an exciting feeling to be so close to having our home just as I hoped it would be, it's that peaceful feeling I wrote about a few weeks ago. Most of our success of decluttering has been due to our ability to let things go. We have given away SO MUCH STUFF. Stuff. And I guess that's one good reason to live in a small house, I just have no room for stuff.


Are there any declutter projects on your to do list?

Perhaps I'm Overconfident

I'm 33 weeks pregnant now - technically this was taken last week at 32 weeks, but I don't think I've changed since then! :)
















This morning as my mom was on the road to see my sister - a three hour trip - we spent a lot of time talking on the phone. At some point she asked me if I had thought about what I'd like as far as help after the baby arrives.

Should she stay with me a few days?

Should my dad come over (since he's retired)?

Will Josh take off a few days?

What does my father-in-law's schedule look like (because he keeps the kids sometimes)?

And as I kept thinking about it, I just said, "You know, Caleb will be in school. Sarah and Gabriel play really well together. Gabriel is finally consistently going potty on his own and only has - usually - one poopy accident a day. I really think I'll be ok!"

I wonder if I'm overconfident about the future situation. Have I forgotten what a newborn is like? It felt like such a smooth transistion when I had Gabriel (my 3rd kiddo) that I'm just not really worried about being on my own. I wonder if I'll beg for help after my first week, or if I'm just used to this new baby thing now?

Mom said she still wanted to be there for me and would take off even if I didn't think I needed it...which is probably a good idea! I do know it's nice to have someone make food for the kids during the day or play with them if I'm tired. I know if I'm nursing and one of my kids needs me, I'll get used to that (because I did that with my others) but the first week or so it might be nice to have someone here to help in those situations.

But still...after typing all that...I feel like I'll be ok. As I've discussed with Bethany (mother of two kids, ages 2ish and 11 months), there's just something about getting the hang of having two kids, and after that, it seems like each one isn't as difficult.

I sure hope I'm right anyway.

Asking for Forgiveness

"Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues." Proverbs 17:28


For some reason, I have a very vivid memory of my college softball experience that has nothing to do with softball. At some point during my freshman season, the coach could sense that the team was not unified off the field at all. If you've participated in athletics, you know that that can often reflect on the playing field as well. He gave us a lecture: part pep talk, part sermon (I guess) about how we needed to come clean with each other and unite. That must have struck a chord with many, because there were girls going to each other telling their true feelings and asking each other to forgive.










There we are, I'm in the second row, first person on the left.

Then there was me. I must have been oblivious or naive, because I didn't feel negatively towards anyone. But it didn't go both ways. One girl came up to me and started spilling her guts about all the horrible things she thought about me and how she really couldn't stand me.

Umm...ok.

Up to that point, I thought we were fine. I actually knew her and her family before I arrived at college, I thought we were pals actually. But she had kept a lot to herself, and up to that point, she had probably done what the Bible told her to do - and that was, to keep silent.

Right?

Or should we do what my coach was indicating we should do? I'm not sure if that's really what he meant. Maybe he meant the ones who were bickering openly should mend that hurt and yuckiness. Maybe he didn't know that others were harboring feelings like the girl who didn't like me. Did she do the right thing?

If I've had unkind thoughts towards someone, questioned their decisions or outright judged them, but I've kept all that to myself, should I go to them and ask them to forgive me for that? Or is it more wise to continue to keep it to myself?

I've actually thought of this through the years. I can't imagine going to someone who is oblivious to my judgmental thoughts and asking them to forgive me for them, when otherwise they think we are fine! I believe the Bible talks about asking for forgiveness from people who we have offended...but if I've kept silent, I haven't offended them yet.

Part of me feels like what the girl did on my softball team was just unload her own guilt. Maybe she should have asked God to forgive her for feeling that way or thinking those thoughts, but should she have asked me to forgive?

I don't know.

Have you ever experienced this? On either side?