So. Very. Frustrated.

Welcome to my 125th blog entry.

I am beyond frustrated. I have a seven-month-old who has regressed in his nighttime sleeping pattern to that of a newborn. Worse actually. Ugh.

When I had Sarah and knew I would be nursing her, I had people tell me that breastfed babies were pretty much at your beck and call. They had to be fed on demand, so if they fussed, cried, acted irritable, they probably needed to eat. I was a zombie for months from sleep deprivation. It wasn't until she was almost a year that she finally stopped nursing at night. Was it her or me just refusing to do it, I'm not sure.

So I pledged to myself that with Gabriel, things would be different. I sought advice from other nursing moms who said a breastfed baby could be on a schedule. Yay! I read Baby Wise, and found it to be quite insightful. I just knew that I would be on top of things this time, and I would have this new addition sleeping through the night in no time.

And I did.

Until recently.

At six months, he started waking up at 2:30 am. You could set your clock by it. He would also get up at 4:30 am. I thought (and hoped) it would be short-lived, but this has been going on for over a month now with no change in sight. I tried to let him cry, but the cries turned to ear piercing screams and lasted for over 20 minutes (well, 30 actually, don't call DFS). We tried feeding him cereal before bed. We even supplemented with formula thinking maybe a full belly would help. Nope.

So, even though I don't want it to be this way, I usually end up picking him up and swaying with him for a long time. Sometimes he fights me with that, so then I let him lay with me in bed. I'm so desperate for sleep, I'm doing things I don't want to start. I've even nursed him back to sleep, even though I'm sure he's not hungry, but it works, so the zombie in me gives in. I even brought the pack-n-play into my room so I can just roll over and get him. Yep. Bad.

If you see me driving by you, you wave, and I don't wave back...or if we're in the grocery store together and I don't even look at you...please forgive me. It's quite possible that I don't see anyone around me.

I am reminded, though, that this is just a season in my life. Every night I pray that God would allow Gabriel to sleep through the night, but if it doesn't happen that way, that He would please give me strength.

And He does.

After watching Dr. Phil yesterday about a mom with the world's only deaf blind triplets, I tell myself that nothing is as hard as that! It's always good to keep things in perspective.