Sunday, November 29, 2009

Reader Poll - Arguments With Spouse

If you've read any parenting books or seen the experts on the Today Show, you know that we're told not to argue with our spouse in front of our children. We are to ask them to go to another room, wait until they are asleep, or perhaps invent some sort of arguing lingo that only we understand. Whatever it takes to keep them from seeing mommy and daddy in an argument.

But if you read any marriage books - and even in our premarital counseling before our wedding - we're asked how we saw our parents resolve conflict because it will be insightful and probably indicate how we will also handle conflict.

This seems contradicting to me. While I agree to an extent that Josh and I shouldn't argue in front of the kiddos, for the most part, I interpret that as meaning knock down drag out fights! I do my best to control my tone with Josh if I'm really upset, and I know he does, too. But how are they to learn how people handle conflict if we don't exhibit some of it in front of them and let them see how we work it out?

I'm a little confused on this one. What are your thoughts?


Jaimee M said...

I think that kids should see their parents argue and most importantly resolve the conflict. I think that is how they learn healthy relationship skills. Now if it is gonna be a very intense shouting match no, kids should be elsewhere. But I even think it's ok if they see you cry as long as they see you hug and kiss to make up. And understand what the resolution to the disagreement was.

kimberly anderson said...

I believe that depending on the subject matter that you and your spouse is arguing about. I want Bailee to know that we all have different opinions and we should respect that person feelings even if you don't agree.

Nel said...

I am right with Jaimee!

kassie said...

I think they should see healthy discussions, not arguing. For a child we are their whole world, their security blanket, and for a child to look up at mommy and daddy and see angry faces, yelling and disconnect, makes their world start to fall apart. As they get older, maybe it's not such an issue, just so that you make sure to resolve that argument while they are still in the room. But I think if it something can't be discussed in a healthy way in front of your younger children, then you should leave the room. Just my opinion. :-)

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